totally watching dr. phil and getting eaten out right now. be jealous.
Every now and then I'll talk to a creeper for an extended amount of time. Randy, for instance, funded our entire night of horrible decisions.
and then when she swallowed her birth control with a shot of vodka and looked in my direction, i knew it was time to go.
im just glad that if you were going to have awkward hospital sex, you would want it with me
On a side note I think I burnt my eyebrow when we "teter-totered" into the fire
i cant answer while inside this church craft show. so unless you're outside with my engagement ring and a nonfat gingerbread latte, it'll have to wait.
Dedicating my hangover to whoever the hell I hooked up with in the bathroom last night.
just kidding, dedicating it to the gods of mexican food. omnomnom
I feel like I just lived out a children's book called "The Day I Went to Law School Stoned"
SHUN THE NONBELIEVERS. THUS SAYS THE NIPPLE LORD
Simple revenge plan: break into his house and steal one shoe of every pair
I've orgasmed so many times tonight I think I've become enlightened
I WOULD NEVER MIX DICK AND MCDONALDS
I’m not closing myself off the to the possibility of making a bad life choice.
I don't know what happened last night. But I just woke up in the high school boiler room
the weird part wasn't waking up in someone else's underwear, it was how the cat was staring at me like he knew more about last night then i remembered.
Randomize
