I went for the touchdown every play, and I think I ended up with herpes.
and after you realized your puke was bright blue, you started crying hysterically and screaming, "I DON'T WANT TO BE A SMURF!" no more uv blue for you.
i know we're in college but you cant booty call me at 3 in the afternoon. i dont care how drunk you are.
im at a party in sweatpants, slippers, and a basketball jersey from the eighth grade, 10 bucks says im still getting laid
it looked like a condom graveyard when i woke up. they were everywhere
How dare you send me a picture after midnight that isn't porn. You know the rules.
Just tell him to eat fruit before so it tastes good. Then it's just like shotgunning a smoothie
I woke up with flowers, a tiara & pasta salad in my bed. Tequila makes me act like a fat Disney princess
REALLY should have cleaned under my bed before I had my parents come help me pack...things my parents just found: several condoms and a bottle of lube. My mom when she found a condom: "ooo ribbed. Laura's a lucky girl"
It was an "I snuck in through the window at 5am with my underwear in my pocket" kind of night.
after giving head I just always feel like I need like. ice cream. as both a means of getting the lingering sperm out of my mouth, and a congratulations.
He showed up to a baby shower and kept telling everyone he was late because he was pregaming. And then tried honking the pregnant girls tits
dude, she has my telletubby sweats and my good sweatshirt hostage, I can't risk their safety with a breakup
Why would you trust me with ANYTHING!!!???
was that you i just saw walking down the street in only one heel smoking a cig yelling "hello sexuals" to everyone who passed??
HELLLLLO SEXUAL BEING
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