if your dad confronts the dude you fucked about the background check he did on him, NOT GONNA GET A CALL BACK
Is it bad that when my prof gave examples of "stalking" behavior, I either have done or would do most of them?
she asked if mt Rushmore was natural or man made
It's ok. Rob's just shotgunning upside down.
These bathrooms are miraculous. I'd love to have sex in here. Wow. I've peed 5 times.
its ok, the prom king gave me his crown to puke in
I have just been informed that my company has ray guns. I WORK FOR ACTUAL BOND VILLAINS. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
Lets get drunk and then you just wraps me into a present because that sounds like fun after the past 3 glasses of wine I drank
The only thing I know is that these arent my shoes and Aaron is missing and he has my house keys.
I just had a guy ask me if his "jewelry downstairs" would set off the metal detector.
i'm gonna crowd surf you onto his dick
i just used a selfie stick to take an ass pic. i hate myself.
For full disclosure: I told my roommates last night that you have a very clean asshole.
Whatever douche. I sucked the dick that made you. I. Win.
That has got to be a joke. No human eats that much grass and lives to tell the tale.
Randomize
