Can i come over
After you called me a desperate slut? No
Come over
and when i put it inside her she yelled "welcome aboard!"
even after i explained my bobby knight costume the bartender still kicked me out for throwing the chair
well we are all hammered and my parents are reminiscing about all the times they drove us home drunk from Christmas
like we started out all organized and composed and within thirty mins people were throwing up in the bushes, arguing over a beer bong and jumping in the pool with their clothes on
He said to me this morning that we should finish these beers, go and get plan B then on the way back, go to the pub to celebrate the death of our baby. I love Manchester.
After I gave him a handjob for a half an hour he told me I should be a taxidermist. I'm gonna take it as a compliment.
Is it bad that I see a party full of girls I know he has fucked as a challenge for me to be the one who ends up in his bed?
I consented to having my finger branded. How was your night?
It's time for everyone's favorite Wednesday night game... WHEEL OF. VODKA!!!!!
Tell the cops to let you through! Tell them you need to do drugs!
Woke up with 5 texts apologizing from a number I named "guy who elbowed me in face"
I am available for nakedness
There's no triumph quite like finally banging your high school boyfriend 6 years later
You realized your blanket was a snuggie, spread your arms, and yelled "tonight I sleep like jesus!"
Randomize
