just tell him he has love handles, he'll die of insecurity
brittany murphy hurts far more than michael jackson, patrick swayze, etc because i never masturbated to any of those other people
shes perfect for him. shes never seen a penis so she has nothing to compare his to.
i just got yelled at for having sex. this sorority thing is worst than being at home. at least at home they think im still a virgin
speaking of graduation plans, i'm blacked out eating sausage
E drugging s springing. Ease dnt Kate. To t e. ess e I meant thou.
If he breaks up with me, your job is to keep me drunk and make sure I don't sleep with anyone. Ok?
Also, they sell weed-chocolate covered strawberries. For the romantic stoner.
That was one of the best texts I got today
I hooked up with a guy dressed as Wesley from the Princess Bride. I kept telling him what I wanted him to do and all he would say was "as you wish"
All three of my roommates have their significant others over. We're all hanging out in the living room. It's like I'm the trifecta of third-wheeling
Christopher Columbus didn't sail the ocean blue so I would have to go to class and not have sex with my boyfriend
Some how my underwear was hanging from the antlers of a antelope head on the wall of the hotel........
Egg rolls and cum. Not my worst snack.
You just wait. When you see me foam roll naked, you're going to lose your mind.
I TAUGHT HER CAT TO SIT. CATS DON'T FUCKING SIT ON COMMAND. BUT THIS ONE DID!
It's basically my crowning achievement.
Randomize
