I think she kind of thinks she's better than us now ... please. I go to Michigan.
Come on... In this relationship-economy, you gotta have "awesome blowjobs" on your resume.
MCAT status: Day 64, no longer can remember what sex is like.
You have no idea how much I'm praying for my moms side of the family's infertility right now
I also referred to her clitorous as her "vagina dot" last night...probably going to be dumped soon.
Apparently I gave him a 'Steve jobs blowjob'
no more duck duck goose at the bar
You act as if I'm the first person to pee in the Taco Bell drive thru at 2 AM, I'm sure a lot worse things have happen in that drive thru than my urine.
she's drunk at 2 in the afternoon again. at least my mother is predictable.
I woke up to find his roommate face down on the couch with no pants on, with a sticky note that said "was lost but now am found"
She tied her key to her bra the night before and couldn't get it off while trying to open the door this morning so she just took her bra off and let it tangle from the key while unlocking the door...the old Indian couple next door were shocked.
how the hell were we supposed to out run the cops in a bus?
It's amazing how hard it it while drunk to not comment "fuck you" on dumb peoples' statuses
I drank a fishbowl of liquor and next thing I know I'm sliding into Zach Galifinakis' DMs
ABOUT TO MAKE THE BIGGEST MISTAKE OF MY LIFE, SEND HELP
Have fun and good luck.
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