There are few people I can ask this w/o being looked at as insane... Do you ever some days get fascinated by how amazing your own breast look?
Just threw up in airport security. Happy holidays.
this weekend will be like the season finale to my life
you have no idea how wierd it is to get nudes while talking to grandma
i must of done something right to please the booty call gods. . . maybe fucking that fat chick?
I have now slept with people from more countries than Ive actually visited. Can we make this a game somehow? Like foreign fuck buddy bingo?
We're gonna go drive around campus and throw water balloons at all the drunk bitches wobbling around, wanna come?
she left with her roommate. or at least i think she did. but i also just thought i ate candy corn but i'm hal convinced it was candle wax.
Dude how did you get resin on my keyboard?
My boss walked in on me puking in the urinal while taking a piss. Sunday funday is eroding my last shred of credibility at work.
Unfortunately hes not a hipster douchebag with no life goals, so naturally I'm not interested.
When i said i was brazilian i swear to god he started to tear up
Nothing says happy Monday quite like coffee and oral sex.
I'll be wearing lingerie and holding a bottle of bourbon so pick up whatever food you think goes with that
Did I tell you I’m going on a date? His name is Michael and we both like dinosaurs and anal.
Randomize
