New word for getting laid so we don't sound like whores in public when we are talking about it : stamp the passport
Just watched porn on a 60 inch plasma screen TV... So that's where the clitoris is
Just found the video that explains the neighborhood applause. Your landlord is awesome, and the clothes are on the roof
Dude they even gave me free lube for being tested! Best. Hiv test. EVER.
drunk old tina is grateful for 14 yr old tina for placing glow-in-the-dark stickers on my light switch...just avoided so many injuries
We should invent fake asshair for you to wear so you can experience my pain for a day.
I need moral support for this bender
I woke him up with a blow job and he started sing "oh the USAAAA. IT'S GOING TO BE S BEAUTIFUL DAYYYYY"
Also I just sneezed literally 12 times in a row so violently...boogers everywhere. Sorry to ruin the sexting. I just felt like you had to know
Mom just told me I need to start having sex.
we got cupcakes after we fucked. gives a whole new meaning to sugar daddy
He's gonna do me a solid for doing her a solid. It's like pay it foward. But with sex.
He asked me what I wanted for Christmas. I told him an orgasm would be nice.
I had a dream involving the worlds smallest pony, an asphalt volcano, and jimi hendrix. Never smoking 3 bowls before bed again
and then she asked if she could shave my junk
and howd that go?
can you pick me up from the hospital?
Randomize
