I just saw a guy masturbating vigorously at the bus stop across from del taco at 2:30am...im pretty sure he wasn't even homeless
Does it really count as two different guys if they're brothers? I like to think of it as one and a half.
I'm having sex on a snuggie, yes i stopped to text you
she said, "is it ok if I touch it?" that's when I knew I was in trouble... I knew she was a virgin but seriously..
I shagged another guy with one ball last night. Are there really that many dudes with one nut in la or am I just a magnet for prostetic testes?
i just got yelled at for having sex. this sorority thing is worst than being at home. at least at home they think im still a virgin
The dry cleaners wouldn't even take our clothes. That's how bad of a night it was.
I just tried to eat one of my ear plugs, thinking it was a cheese curl. I need it to be break RIGHT NOW.
in line at jewel. the cashier is puking in a garbage can while ringing up customers. glad to know im not the only one that 2012 is kicking in the face already.
Going to jail was so much more fun than I thought it would be. I feel like I walked away with more than just a bomb-ass mugshot, I feel like I made some life long friends.
Celebratory bar crawl?
But once you explained how to fill cupcakes with semen I realize you were harmless and right on my level.
Are you stuck outside of your house because you forgot to walk up stairs? Cuz I've been there.
I don't see how you can turn down creme brulee and orgasms
There are no female cereal mascots. I just realized that in my drunken state... So sexist...
She just won 2 Grammys at 17 and were sitting here hotboxing our half bathroom
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