people will do anything to get on MTV. like get pregnant.
had no condoms so I just made do with an empty doritos bag.
Just got mistaken for a cardboard cutout ad in line at Taco Bell. New low?
Brutal- a couple weeks back I had a 28 hr blackout and four day hangover. S'why I decided to haul it in
I'm thinking about that time I was in a trashbag and you spray painted my hair yellow
I was talking to a guy at my work, and mid-sentence he started vomiting violently for about five minutes, then he said, " great dope" and carried on like nothing had happened.
You were so excited to be getting 4 tickets to the Whale Rodeo.... That high
Ugh he's so pretty though. He bit my face at the bar because I tried to steal his ID and I forgave him
He wants me to tell you "my boner misses you"
GETTING HORNY AT RANDOM IS REALLY FUCKING INCONSIDERATE.
I never realized the effects a broken spine would have on my sex life
Normal people find beers in their gym bag, right?
Why do I feel so obligated to masterbate just because I’m single and it’s valentines Day...
Nothing personal but yes I would be suspicious If I saw 3 guys and 2 girls in the same bathroom stall together
In hindsight, maybe rearranging his living room because he has OCD while he was out wasnt the greatest idea. Though it'll keep him busy for HOURS
Randomize
