Hey. Did u tell any1 that I use Nuvaring?
Cuz 1 of ur bf's frat bros just asked me if I wanted to "play ring toss later"
I'm trapped in whichever ring of hell is populated by inbred yokels and type 2 diabetes.
Does transporting jello shots count as driving with an open container?
He's a fan of Alicia Keys on Facebook. It doesn't NEED to say 'interested in men'.
I cant help but love a girl who informs me of the pregnancy test results by emailing me a YouTube clip of Barney Stinsons not a fathers day speech.
I thought your voice was coming from the walls. I've never been so relieved to find you naked in a closet
when we went to bed he asked me to hold his penis so he knew i was there for him
I have effectively turned laundry day into a drinking game.
Power went out. She lit a candle and gave me head. Made some pretty impressive candlelight cocksucking shadowpuppets. Must be what porn was like in olden times.
If I hid at school to avoid the cops, is it fleeing and evading or just being a good student?
If I die tonight, I want you to have the rest of my nachos. And my porn collection.
I am on my way right now and I SWEAR TO GOD IF YOU EAT MY BURRITO YOU WILL NEVER SEE MY TITS AGAIN
How do u explain to your grandma that your relationship status is hooking up with randoms at a bar
On a scale from 1-10 how fucked up would it be to buy weed with my fafsa money?
It's a study aid
Goal: finish my bio assignment before the Xanax kicks in.
Randomize
