I didnt pay $190 for a fake with a new middle name of Vane..
I wonder how many times I can be hungover in one day
I don't really want to write this paper. It's the last one of the semester - I need to savor the feeling of procrastination.
Vodka is such a love hate relationship.
Truer words have never been spoken.
Theres a truck parked on the front yard and i just want to take this opportunity to tell you now that it is not my fault.
he stopped talking to me after i tried to use his body as a surf board
Remind me again why a vodka watermelon can't be a thanksgiving dish
Well we did eat French fries lady-and-the-tramp style last night...
He balanced a treat on his nose, and then he rolled me a joint. My bf is the best pet ever.
Halloween is the end of the singles holidays they don't start again until st. Patrick's day we better get wifed up or it's going to be a long winter lol
I don't care if we're married you can't just walk into the bedroom with a pizza box expecting to get laid
I just tinder matched with a blue angels pilot. I need to make out with him. For America.
He asked me the next morning if he fell asleep inside of me. Drunk is an understatement.
dude, I felt like being high in a Santa hat and eating five boxes of cookies was right for today.
It's only 9 and these two girls are already walking around Walmart barefoot and holding their heels. WE NEED TO STEP IT UP.
Randomize
