I really liked your hair last night but that style makes it really hard to hold it while you puke
Condoms? Check. Glitter? Check. Fuck me pumps? Double check. Dignity? No where to be found. I'm about to homewreck the shit out of that dumb bitch.
I've been meaning to talk to you about your lack of self-respect these days and the toll it's taking on your vagina.
i just remembered that i beat off next to you while we were naked and passed out next to each other after last night... No Homo
How much cunt could a cunt bag punch if a cunt bag could punch cunt?
But why is there no point in liking him? Does he have herpes? Is he married? Is he gay? Did he get his penis chopped off in a freak accident? If the answer is no to all of the above, then he is fair game
What are the odds of finding the one hot Australian dude with erecile dysfunction?
Guy, there will be accountabilities this weekend that you will need to respond to, or else.
She said pants are for pussies while spooning peanut butter onto her frosted flakes with a serving spoon. She's not even high yet.
ok I know you arent happy with the way we ended but paying someone to pass me an STD is TOTALLY FUCKED!!!
Today's psa: there are certain parts of your body you shouldn't scratch while wearing fake nails.
you just tore your cootch a new one, didn't you?
Stay positive! You think people like sad vaginas? NO! You'll get some!
Stay strong! Remember we're too uncoordinated to be strippers to make money instead of being a nurse
Uhhh...I just found your 10 dollar bill in my bra. I owe you 10 dollars.
Look, I need your help, not your judgment.
Alex thinks he can revoke my dick privileges haha.
Isn't he the one getting all the privileges ?
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