it took everything i had not to yell out "your name means death in german!"
Of course im so fucked up sarah. I fight away tornadoes.
I wrote and sealed my mom's mothers day card last night while intoxicated.. should i put it in the maibox
without a question
I remember tearing his shower curtain down but I don't remember trying to shave my vag...
Update: I just puked into a sock. It was the only thing available at the time. Why I happened to be holding a sock, we may never know.
i'm sure the inside of her vag looks like Normandy circa 1944
and yes i had to double check that date for that joke to be accurate
It went alright, nothing too special, just got threatened with a knife by our server.
At what point during this road trip should I let them know I've been drinking in the backseat the whole time and can't take my turn driving?
You will receive a large, large reward, worth much more than the actual phone you are holding, paid not only in cash but in sexual favors, if you return this phone! Please respond if you're interested in cash/sex/or just being a good person. Thanks and hope to hear from you soon!
Well I almost walked away with an Irish guy's boarding pass and some south guy's dignity
I may or have may not just taken a swig out of a jar of alfedo sauce in my fridge. Dont judge me
Well I'm going to hell. But I'm going after multiple orgasms.
I need vodka mixed w a bit of holy water right now
Okay so it turns out that my bf keeps a log of every time I sleep-fart. It's dated back to 2013.
My girlfriend is talking to my ex-boyfriend at the bar right now. I REPEAT, GIRLFRIEND IS TALKING TO EX BOYFRIEND RIGHT NOW. GET ME THE FUCK OUT OF THIS PLAACE
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