I need ur penis! This is not drunk texting, either! This is I need ur penis texting. There IS a difference!
I wish Facebook had filters like: Ivy League school, frat boy, straight, extremely wealthy, great in bed.. I would check all of them
Not cool at all. Last night I organized my condoms by expiration date. I need to get laid.
martini and pecan pie.. breakfast of champions.
My arms are sore from holding up pukeahontas for so long
Would it be out of line to take a picture of all the earrings, rings, hairclips, and other miscellaneous girl items that I found under my bed and post it on facebook and tag all the girls that I slept with this year so they can claim their shit and get it out of my house?
I mean i can't really be mad...either way i was gonna fuck him or hate fuck him, so it's basically a win/win situation.
We are not in a rock band. We can't continue living like this.
Congratulations, you've begun to unfuck your life.
It's a good thing my liver is flexible because a lesser man would be dead
I'm too old for chlamydia. That's for 20 year olds who go to clubs and do drugs I've never heard of.
Odd start to the day - the FBI just showed up at my apartment.
He's not put together enough to have that big of a dick
The two of us went back to your place, had sex, peed in cups, then i went home. Literally all i know
party at the soccer house. crumbs in my sexy panties. can't. put. pieces. together.
Randomize
