You took my girl thats shot the Fuck out. You better watch your skinny ass.
That's barely a sentence. Who's your girl? I think you've got the wrong number. I haven't even lived in Alabama for 4 years.
Yeah, I do, I'm sorry. I meant 205 not 256. sorry about that.
Good luck with your revenge in Birmingham.
I asked him where the store BJ's was and he unzipped his pants.
if it were possible I'd exchange my vagina for a diff one on the black market.
alright got my week's quota of sex in, ready for modern warfare 2
I don't know why girls would even talk to someone as drunk as I was.
Between the two of us weve fucked every guy at this table
Thanks for the drunken voicemail of bird calls. Love and miss you, too.
Think of this as an opportunity. Like Jesus just opened up his closet, and inside is an endless supply of huge, beautiful cock.
You're telling me you've never sent a picture of your cock to a girl and then were all like "Oops, sorry, wrong person! By the way...You like?"
Waking up in a NH rest stop and reading through my texts is definitely a familiar low
You're 21st was epic. I woke up at 6 a.m. on the floating beer pong table in the pool with a beer still in hand. Didn't even spill any
I'm at the nutcracker high as shit. It's so beautiful. I cried.
Ice cream and condoms, solid grocery store trip
yo dude not sure how this happened but im drunk at your house eating burritos with your mom and sister. hope you're having fun in new zealand
woke up with 8 used magnum condoms bound together by floss around my neck, thats about all im gonna tell you.
Randomize
