My wife says its no good to have oral sex during pregnancy. So i guess pregnancy is like regular life.
Say something about gay babies.
He just said "I made some changes in my life. The male g-spot is in the rectum and I wanted to explore that."
Microwave minutes are longer than normal minutes.
Didn't get carded at the bar. We're getting wasted and then walking over to Bass Pro Shops to watch the indoor ducks swim around. And possibly buying a tent.
I actually had to tell him that sex doesn't replace my Tupperware. Our relationship has reached a weird level.
Yeah I would come and meet you but there's 3 polish girls yelling at a drunk polish guy in the carpark outside. They just dumped a whole pizza over his head and I want to see where this ends...
I saw seagulls fucking earlier today. What have you done with your life recently?
I'm sorry I pissed in your bedroom and then woke you up when I tried to jump off the balcony
My vagina is no longer accepting new clients.
I will feed you tacos. I will touch your butt. Happy Valentine's Day ❤️
Hi, I put a dog in your house, I hope it's yours.
My aunt just dropped me off at the bar, handed me $50 and told me she'd pick me up later if I needed her to. I should've gotten my license suspended a long ass time ago lol
Clearly you need to take sleeping pills and put your phone in the toilet
I brought an already opened bag of trail mix from home to snack on today. Some motherfucker ate all the m&ms out of it. I hate my roommates
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