Where is the hickey?
the best thing about tacos is after you shit them all out you feel like to have room for your dignity to come back
So she said grabbing my cock was like holding a giant crayola from pre-school.
that was the beginning of the end.
dude thats like the second time shes peed on the couch at a party. we cant invite her anymore
you kept saying "no santa, im not having sex with you. it's not your holiday".
Our idea of a "deep conversation" was successfully forming complete sentences.
I asked if he wanted to come over and he said he was busy. Then I sent him a pic of me in the bath with the bottle of wine I already finished and all of a sudden he was free. Booty calls are too easy.
Yah, I guess one silver lining is I'd never seen a full water cooler get thrown down a flight of stairs, gotta appreciate the little things
You turned to me, winked, whispered "man the harpoons" and walked out with the fat chick
So I bet a guy he could drink two irish car bombs faster than me and I lost. now he gets to name our first son. sory.
I offer naked tickle fights and orgasms and you call it trouble. I call that Christmas.
So I woke and tried to get up. Then I realised my foot was stuck in the pocket of the pool table.
If you ever tell anyone I offered you boob squeezes for cheetos, I'll kill you
...its technically supposed to be for the bridal shower but I think I can find an ensemble that says "im hopped up on x. Stick your tongue down my throat." As well as " im supporting your marriage to my brother"
Vodka for breakfast. With a side of Frankenberries. Don't judge me.
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