I just want to make him a cookie cake that says "you have no chance with me."
I hope you had to get up out of bed and walk across your room to check this text message
well we are all hammered and my parents are reminiscing about all the times they drove us home drunk from Christmas
If you're fucking that other dude, I'll take the sloppy seconds. I don't care.
I found his retainer in my ass crack. It smells like shame.
So I was about the only one NOT pregaming or stoned at my aunt's funeral... Maybe thats why I'm the black sheep.
Dude, I had no choice. I was defending my genitals.
Dude, she got "I party too much" skinny. She looks like a recovering drug addict.
Biggg time. I found 2 empty packages of extenze in my car this am.... not sure what that was all about
I suppose what I've learned from this experience is that sometimes you just have to make out with a narcissistic baby daddy to make a clean getaway.
He offered me my choice of the Abe Lincoln or Ben Franklin dick pic.
... and this time i WILL NOT make out with anyone dressed as batman.
Disregard everything I texted you last night. Oh, and disregard me hooking up with your boyfriend.
He makes me want to cheat on my other 3 boyfriends..
He bent me in ways I couldn't imagine.. and im a gymnast.
Randomize
