We just followed a woman home because she looked like Jeff Goldblum. Turns out she lives in a trailer park.
The guy in the library beside me just whipped out an entire loaf of bread, a knife and a container of peanut butter and is proceeding to make multiple sandwiches.
Yes, that's a picture of my balls. It isn't however an answer to my question.
If this herpes test comes back negative I'm asking out the doctor.
Apparently I spent my 300 dollar tax return by ordering ramen on amazon last night. Please tell me this will somehow pay off in the long run.
dizzyuy bat. 3.453 lkos. hoit sx, now im single. blackouteed
Woke up this morning with a junior police officer sticker over my nipple this morning.
He said he wanted to make me his Twinkie, "filled with his delicious cream." ABSOLUTELY 100% NO YOU MAY NOT REPEAT ****NOT**** GIVE HIM MY NUMBER EVER EVER EVER. Please confirm receipt and full comprehension of this message.
HURRY. I NEED DRUNK. MORE DRUNK.
I felt like a personal hot pocket and all I could taste was cigarettes.
I just tried to pay for a coffee with a dollar and a necco wafer.
my human sexuality class is the only class where the porn i watch the night before is relevant to the discussion the next day
Hahahaha yep. You were picking up the credit card machine and singing to it in Spanish.
Okay penises are actually pretty exciting. The people attached to them are an entirely different story
What the fuck dude? Now it's a "who is this?" convo going back and forth. Like... helllloooo you just sent me a picture of your penis! I'm entitled to ask who the fuck it is. I can't verify an identity by a body part.
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