Oh man I wish you'd been in the car w/ me today. I followed a school bus home filled w/ young boys and I flipped them off the entire way. They loved it.
Jessi just used the excuse "it's not you it's me" to get out of getting a lap dance.
I think I just got a contact from my own exhale. Def dying.
Bathtub drinking tim. I have no pool so I work with what I have
there is nothing worst than getting kicked in the face by a stripper
The cop used the word "belligerent" 16 times in the report. You get to bail him this time. I'm not up for it.
Apparently we stole a dog last night. I woke up and it was just staring at me. But we fed it left over KFC for breakfast so it's cool.
When your hungover saltines taste like hope...
If you don't wanna wax my ass just say so.
My husband has seen you naked more times this week than me. I don't consider it a bad thing since you keep bringing the booze to our house. And because my tits are bigger.
You know the sex was good when he had to ask which way was north before he left.
It's like all the guys I keep around if I wanna have sex with all got mad at the same time. I guess I'll get out my vibrator again.
Does sweetest day count when you're spending it with your fuck buddy, high and eating Pizza Hut?
...and with one comment dissing Hannibal Lecter, I suddenly understood why we never worked out.
Not to make this awkward, but if we ever have sex (perhaps drunkenly), all i'm gonna be able to think about is how sexy our kids would be.
Randomize
