just realized the sink is the perfect height to piss into never cleaning the toilet again
Just saw a picture of your new tub, cant wait to pee in it
all I remember is repeatedly winking at the fire marshall while he was counting the people in the bar
The gym has a pool
my gym membership just went from "way to get in shape" to "place to go swim when I'm high"
Girl on the bus just slammed her book shut, turned to me and said "I'm way to fucking high to be studying"
Dude, i don't know. I don't remember anything after we started chanting/playing "shot of gin."
Also. This Ativan makes me feel fearless. I think we need an exciting new hobby for when we take it. How do you feel about ghost hunting?
I forgive you, at least you vote. I found out my fuck buddy isn't even registered. I won't fuck a non respectable citizen.
He held the kayak still so I wouldn't tip over while projectile vomiting. If that ain't true love, I don't know what is...
The hardest part about being a child of divorce is when you're at your dad's house but your condoms are at your mom's house.
I left her alone for a few minutes and she's already using a guy on his hands and knees as a chair while another guy is serving her margaritas.
once he tried to wake me up from my hangover nap to have sex, that's when things went downhill. he had to go.
It was one of those mornings when I wake up and feel like I have to say sorry to the whole world
I just remember banging him and then at some point I went and took a shower and went and laid in the closet
I saw a penis covered in glitter tonight.
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