Come 10 years my vagina won't look like this. I must cherish it
i'm drinking with a bunch of phds, i feel very stupid but good about my drinking abilities
Dude, I need a lifestyle change. I'm to old to be making out with chicks in foam parties, letting older chicks get all excited because I let them put their hands up my shirt, and running around doing scavenger hunts with 18 yr old chicks.
I seriously think I got run over last night.. My sides are bruised and I got a ride home in the limo from the office.
No. I'm laying on the floor naked. I almost made it to the shower
This could be the definition of living by yourself
He put my hand on his penis and said welcome home.
He literally cocked blocked all the dudes that tried to talk to the girls he was with, and they all loved him.
Same guy who tossed the brunet over his shoulder as they left screaming "Bring me my lucky shovel!"
i just had to pick up my 18 year old cousin from the police station for hosting a party, and i had to do this stoned wow
She had like a side ponytail and hoop earrings though. And legwarmers. Like a horrible 80s nightmare. Don't drink and dream, dude.
took shots off of a myriad of fake boobs last night. It was glorious.
His baby mama found the pictures of us, she couldn't see my face but she could see my asshole. So I'm safe.
His dick is the size of my forearm. Would it be rude to ask to take a comparison photo after sex?
I want to see a guy holding a pizza and a bottle of scotch and a box of magnums. I'm a simple woman.
Just waxed 95% of the hair off my vag. If he doesn't enjoy this tonight, you will, whether you like it or not.
I need to leave my mind and my stupid vagina are having fight over who's right
Randomize
