even in my darkest moments, having another person eat my jizz would make me smile
she was on her period so I asked if she wanted to make ass babies
Any girl that compares her vag to a hot ham sandwich is beyond a slut
there should be laws that require people like to me to be on birth control.
Remind me to tell you the "if you give a mouse a special brownie" story when you get back
its sad that I know 23 beers will fit into my purse
There are regrets in my world today- mostly jager at that fucking altitude
Ed's in which sucks about a thousand cocks... But thats 1800 less than working with Alex so it's gonna be a good day
I had to wash my hair with conditioner because my sister got hammered and gave the dog a 3am sprinkler bath with my shampoo.
There were four people in the car. The girls sure know how to blow. I think we almost crashed when the driver climaxed.
Things are very odd on my 29th hour of being awake. Thought there was a bird in my lecture hall and it was just a girl putting up her hair. What even
I was puking in the bathroom when my fake tooth fell off of my retainer so I just walked out of the bar and didn't say goodbye to my date
After we had sex he gave me a thumbs up... fucking A&M Aggies, man
I'm sorry I walked in on you guys, but all I heard from outside was her screaming "Dive, dive!". Sex was my last guess for what was going on in there.
Fuck your bullshit loser kid and his gluten allergy.
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