She's hot, in a Megan Fox with Down's Syndrome kinda way. Like, she'd win Miss Deliverance Pageant
At least she's the hottest one. Oh well, it's all about stats
all we need is a web designer
and a bunch of prostitutes
i just made mint juleps with bourbon and fresh breath strips. i am the macgyver of alcohol.
The only thing i was looking forward to on 4th of july was the google logo and they let me down. That and beer, lots and lots of beer
She paints her nails the color of the sheets of the last guy she slept with
Just think about how many life skills I lack. Cooking... Driving... Sobriety...
did you by any chance leave me that 7 minute long voicemail of you running and constantly tripping into bushes?
I think I suffocated him while I was riding his face
Good news. Isn't krabs. Bad news. Not sure what it is. Worse news. Encouraged not to fuck till known. Great news getting laid tonight
he asked me for a gerbil feeder full of alcohol
Things I have that belong to you: shorts, headband, bra, purse, chinese food, vodka, and blood on my jeans. Happy homecoming.
well shes beginning to earn a reputation as "the girl who tries to bone her hook ups in the ass with a pickle"
Well my summer has already been productive. I partially caused a divorce.
Well, not only did I find out the Top Knight has roof access, I also let a guy I just met eat me out on the roof. Seems like a lot of wins if you ask me.
I’ve basically been controlling him with my tits for months now, so I can’t even imagine what would happen if I start banging him
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