Hoooooo maaaaan
Yes?
I'm retarded. Again.
It feels like I shit a light bulb that shattered on the way out.
I think you missed the wrong class. Im pretty sure we were taught how to buy cocaine.
He just kept telling me how to do certain things. It was like I was fucking my sex ed teacher
Dude, smoked out of a pumpkin tonight. I like Halloween more now
This might sound awkward, but can I borrow a dildo for class?
we're a generation of lazy underachieving stoners and uncreative overachieving automatons. you're golden
How big of a disservice to the economy would we be doing if we didn't drink every day holiday break?
You crowd surfed from beer pong into the bathroom where you spent the rest of the night, also I have your wallet
I think there's an ice cream truck out back, but there's no way I can get pants on in time to catch it
First time for everything: started posting a Facebook comment, decided I'm not quite sober enough. Progress.
That all sounds beautiful. All I have to offer is my shining personality, extensive amounts of space knowledge, and I hear I am pretty not sucky at sucking dick
I added a U.S. Senator on snapchat....casual.
So, I had a dream last night that involved you as an actual cloaked Captain America and a lot of weird sex, and I didn't hate it.
Whoever jacked off in MY pong room on the bean bag with your fucking googles pick up your fucking cum towel you gross disgusting fucks. I said NO MORE jacking off in that room. I swear I will empty it out if this is going to continue.
Randomize
