You picked the wrong day to call in sick. She's wearing the librarian glasses today.
batman just walked across the sidewalk
lay off the drugs
no for real he was wearing a cape
FYI you just passed out mid-blow job. Consider this my letter of resignation.
Toga everclear = hospital visit... Im sure the paramedics hate me right now
You should know I just got pulled aside by TSA because they found a bottle of Bud Light in my backpack... Thanks for that...
We can't bring brittanys dog so we are getting high and getting in my bathtub I think it's pretty safe
I'm just high and in my robe and I would suck a dick for some pizza rolls. I can't talk about your problems right now
...then she kept trying to make balloon animals with my flacid penis. I'm never drinking whisky with you again.
As I am reading this. I'm standing in my underwear eating taquitos. I'm saying this in the most loving way possible: FUCK OFF.
I found a lucrative side business - giving rides home to drunk oil executives. Very profitable.
I think you would be disgusted with me if you knew how many times I had imaginary sex with you today
You bought champagne and told everyone it was because I'd just found out I was pregnant. How exactly is that being a good wingman?
I haven't showered. And am sitting in the office smelling like a beer can someone's been using as an ash tray.
Don't worry. I have logic.... just not morals.
They have a shelf full of jello shots, what have i gotten myself into
Randomize
