i scrubbed and i scrubbed and i scrubbed and i still was a whore
Her brother was practicing the clarinet....it was like having sex in a starbucks
We just got really drunk and bought toilet paper. Successful Monday.
they are using this drunk girl like a spin the bottle in the hot tub, whoever she lands on she makes out with.
Also pencil in smooth jazz and illegal activities. The usual.
Just slept with my boyfriend's roomie to learn if bf was cheating on me
Good plan. When in doubt, sleep about.
Woke up with the note 'going outside. Ignore bloody spoon. Be back soon' taped to my forehead. Know anything about it?
he threw up in a solo cup, then washed it out and used it to play flip cup. Im not sure if thats resourceful or disgusting.
Either I'm too drunk or she gave me a hand job to the rhythm of jingle bells.
I'm so high. Midnight pancake breakfast in bed
Just go read my twitter... There's a play by play. It starts with a penis pump
I'm sorry my shit is everywhere... I accidentally got drunk while packing
never let me tell the bartender to cut me off, i basically told on myself
Went to waffle house after dropping my sister off at school and got into a heated argument with a drunk/hungover philosophy professor I will not name. I won the argument.
I blacked out after the piñata full of condoms
Randomize
