haha it's okay then, bc he only killed a canadian, they're not real people
I tried to gradually lead her into my room but she wouldn't stop crying and quoting memoirs of a geisha
Next time i try to unbutton my R.A's shirt with my teeth, please stop me
No promises.
Want to come to my BBQ and Blow party?
I'd like to introduce you to my friend, Moderation. Enjoy each other's company this weekend.
Your friend and I already don't get along
And I can feel feelings now and they hurt
I don't even care that his girlfriend will be there. Us hooking up is a tradition and she will NOT ruin it.
i am one UTI away from banning your fingers from my vagina
Good. Need a drinking partner later. FOR AMERICA!!!
I have no reason to put on pants anymore. This is my new reality.
What's the polite way to say "hey I don't actually want to fuck you, I just swiped right on you because you didn't like me in high school and I needed validation"
I woke up in the middle of the night with my dick out and my electric blanket on high. It's like she wanted a hot dog.
i fucked his best friend. once right next door to him. i'm pretty sure that could be called sweet revenge.
just saw a girl run into an automatic sliding door, back up and try again
Best night if my life? Time I got eaten out in the backseat of a M5 while eating White Castle. Then he fucked me. Perfect
Randomize
