his dog just threw up on me too. its like im a throwup magnet to that family.
If I won't even leave the house for sex tonight. I definetly not going out for anything else.
I smell like I just crawled out of a bottle of champagne and landed on the floor of taco bueno.
I've just stalked all the hot guys who have clicked "attending". I now know which guys are "yes", "maybe" and "no". I only hope my drunk self remembers.
She was throwing my stuff away and then before I knew it she was sucking my dick. It was like some fucked up sour patch kids commercial
I have a spatula mark on my ass. He spanked me with a spatula. Take that Rachel Ray.
Just took adderall with about half a bottle of red wine...i have stopped trying for this last exam
We christened the whole apartment and fucked on the balcony. It was amazing. I'm 100% sure downtown heard me climax. Now we can unpack.
WHY IS THE HAIRSPRAY SOUNDTRACK PLAYING IN THE LIQUOR STORE
Desperate times call for desperate measures. But he promised me no small talk so that was nice
Would you consider masturbating to Hocus Pocus an adulthood high or low?
I just met a drunk old lady with a bedazzled life alert alarm around her neck. I love casinos
You were cussing me out in sign language, and slurring your signs.
That's some kind of record drunk there...
So after we found out he wasnt throwing up blood in was just hawaiian punch and we all failed breathalyzers the cop drove us around like a taxi and brought us back to the apartment
How do you teach a grown ass men how to fuck? Why is good sex so hard to find these days?
Randomize
