I told my new friends about my possible new chin. They said I should get my nose done first. Please tell me I'm pretty or something.
Just waterfalled in the movie theatre... this is the beginning to a good night
He texted me for a bootycall at 2:00am so I rolled outta bed and shaved my legs but then he decided he wasn't coming over...he lost his bootycall privileges
I may only be a second year med student but I feel very confident in calling that a micropenis.
I'm by the dj to the left. Come get me now this girl is talking about baby names and I dnt even no hers
I can't see you
I'm the only one that's wearing a tarzan outfit get your ass over here you douche
and by clear my head i mean get drunk and cry myself into oblivion.
He was so good, that I'm pretty sure he fucked his religion into me. P.S. I'm Jewish now.
multiple people will be seeing my nips tonight. not mad about it at all
I climbed through his window to find him already with another booty call. This wouldn't have happened if I could upgrade from my 7th grade scooter to a real car.
…If I were you I wouldn't use that as part of your argument to your dad for a car
This time last year, you were undressing me from my gecko costume and getting freaky in a public bathroom. Tough to top that New Years Eve.
Jesus when did you leave my house? I found 2 bottles of wine, vodka, and a book with blow all over it wondering if I was read bedtime stories
I'm doing the walk of shame into my therapists office wearing his clothes...I guess go big or go home
I like to listen to classical music when I eat taco bell. I think it cancels out the aura of poverty and desperation.
I don't know, we got really drunk and I slapped her with an ear of corn.
She stood up through my sunroof the entire drive home. screaming her ass off and singing free falling..
Randomize
