Guess what? I had way too much to drink today. I'm properly wasted. Doing chores and playing video games while drunk. It's the nexus of stupidity and responsibility.
Did you know that when you swallow it's like 60 calories!?
That's okay, it's all protein anyway.
its a long story involving jim bean, an owl, and a knife
Judging that there's a photo of me getting head while sitting on a graveyard tombstone.....not good.
it was like watching bambi learning to walk, if bambi was 22 and a high functioning alcoholic.
Why not. Its my b-day, you're in town, I'm in town, bars are in town, and alcohol is in town. I don't see anything not good about those things.
Hahah what did you even say to him?!
That I was gonna inflate his vagina with a leaf blower?
Oh.
Just came to the realization that what I thought were orgasms were just lightheadedness from hyperventilation. My entire sex life is a lie.
It's twenty thirteen and the rando and I bonded over the fact that we're both stil using flip phones. Of course I fucked him in the bathroom. It was the obvious thing to do.
Now I can't say for certain but I'm 90 percent are I bathed myself with dog shampoo last night
Listen it's no longer the walk of shame to class when ur leaving the frat house and the brothers ask "when are coming back home"
So here's my pathetic thought of the day: what does it smell like to be sober?
But if I live with you I'll help pay rent. Only if you promise no 50 shades of what the fuck internet hookups
My farts smell like burning tires and false courage
I like that you're more concerned about how I would find the time to clone you, than the fact that I have your blood.
Randomize
