I have no idea who these bands are he's listening to. If his current playlist was a pandora station, however, it would be titled "music for closet cock gobblers"
She had to put it in. I told her I was too drunk and didnt trust myself to not put it in her ass.
what's not responsible about a pool full of beer?
Alright we have to be drunk.before noon tomorrow. Its a new law i just got passed through congress. It goes into effect imediately
Pack light, we're going straight to bar from the train. No place to put our shit.
Dude all I'm bringing is my dick and a phone charger.
So never has there been a greater Valentine's Day gift than you actually putting a new roll of toilet paper on for me after using the old roll up! You didn't even use the new roll. You clearly put that on from a gentleman's standpoint vs. a selfish standpoint. I love you!!!!
I just gave my mom some ones that look like they've probably been in some strippers cooter. Oops.
Haha. Just tell your mom not to smell them
Hey mom, most of this money I'm giving you is in ones. Don't ask why and whatever you do don't smell them.
Sounds legit to me.
I have invented a new game to play on campus. It's called "Mormons or Pledges?" It's fantastic.
Update: that felon in Georgia I slept with is now a police officer. What a wonderful world
I mean I know I'll get over it by like tonight but ew ew eww. I cannot. Dude I don't even know his name also I threw up on his penis
Now all I have unanswered questions and a fucked up finger
Listening to sad Lana Del Rey songs together is an integral part of the lesbian bonding process
We lost a person.... if you see a man in yellow shorts and nothing else walking around let me know...
Would it defeat the purpose of a run if I ran to McDonalds?
You are currently doing Harry Potter spells with the turkey-baster...
Randomize
