wow, i just saw a girl period all over the floor. get my shoes
Apparently when you order 'bottomless fries' at red robin that doesnt mean you can go around to every table and eat all the fries you want off other peoples plates.
When I saw him standing at full height, I realized exactly how much his body structure reminds me of his penis.
My life has hit rock bottom, I'm watching a movie on lifetime about retarded people falling in love. And I'm jealous of their relationship.
got high and went straight for the Doritos. I'm some kind of walking cliche.
omg i hate the new neighbors. why cant a bitch just be hungover in peace on a wednesday morning.
of course not. I do my best teaching on a hungover monday. I did the research. im still okay with the direction in which my life is headed.
You asked me if I was judging you for being drunk, and if I can hypnotize you make sober.
You know.... I ordered the nipple clamps when I was drunk. But on further consideration, THANKS DRUNK ME I LIKE WHATS HAPPENING
I've never seen an uncircumcised penis. I mean in person. I've clearly seen an uncircumcised penis. I have the google.
Drunk me really needs to stop 1. telling every attractive dude in a relationship that monogamy isn't real 2. Proposing threesomes with them and their girlfriends
i'm really sorry, but i'm just not sober enough to make good decisions.
Give me like 5, I have to feed a moose and find my pants.
You set a couch on fire in my brothers backyard?
Just the cushions
He wouldn’t know a good thing if it bit him on the ass. Which, btw, I did.
Randomize
