If I had a motorized wheelchair, I'd just chase the squirrels on campus all day.
it's circumsized.
I think this conversation is over.
Today was my first day of hebrew and I learned how to say give me sex... I think I can quit now
I barely even remember him. He is just a distant beard in my past.
Make me a sandwich
The day you make me feel like my detachable showerhead does I'll make you a sandwich.
I forgot to tell you, wear something you can puke on Saturday. We're christening this marriage with a shot of jager. NOT KIDDING.
So his 25th anniversary post of love to his wife was almost verbatim what he said to me last week. Does that mean I win or lose?
I've grown it out to 70s proportions. I'm calling it my chastity pelt.
Look, when i woke up this morning, I had every intention of being a responsible twenty-five year old, cleaning up, making my budget, and filing my taxes. Its just I got siderailed by pot and downloading classic Disney songs, because fuck adulthood; everyone loves Disney.
just saw a kid get pissed on buy a tiger at the zoo. His dad is rofling and the kid is crying. I think I have to go make a new friend
I put a bagel at the end of my bed so every time I want a bite I have to do a sit up
I don't work there anymore. If they had Prince themed dildo parties i never would have quit
Something like, "Merry Christmas. I hope Santa shits in your mouth."?
I can see. My condolences to your vagina.
I know you do it only because of my toyota, but thank you for fucking me. Seriously.
Randomize
