did you know that the clit is basically just a tiny penis? Ya.. So just think about that next time you're down there.
The iPhone is ruining my ability to sex message. My 5-year-old cousin just picked up my phone at my grandmas birthday party and read "I wanna stand you up and fuck you from behind" to my entire extended family bc of popped up on my screen
theyre just this beautiful family of functioning alcoholics. i want them to adopt me.
I just gave the bartender my number in roman numerals. If she figures it out, she's worth a shot
There's a group of australian girls next to me. can't take them seriously. think they are going to turn into mr g
writing the newer testament. It's the 3rd for the series. I'll update u the rule changes later.
did you fuck him yet?
hahaha who do you think your talking to.. a nun?
so we started it doggy style, but since we were really drunk kinda fell to the side and turned into a 'lazy dog'... my new favorite position btw
His rebound girl is half his size, looks like a leprechaun, is majoring in theater studies and has arms like Rosie O'donnell. Do I win?
I've been smelling a baby wipe for three minutes. I didn't think I was that drunk but I guess I am
He passed out again after sex. I've hidden all his clothes. There's no way he is sneaking out in the morning this time!
I need to stop getting in the car with my dad when im rolling balls. I think he's starting to notice my eyes aren't usually completely pupil
I just want nice things and good sex
Dude she smelled like bar-b-que sauce. I can't think of anything better.
Why is there an inflatable flamingo in the backseat of my car?
Randomize
