I just put lube in Matt's bellybutton. He looks unhappy.
Christmas on farmville was waaaaay better than my actual Christmas.
we had a 10 minute conversation with his family about how I don't let him eat me out. I want to go home
nothing worse than sitting down ready for a solid porn sesh to find out your internet is out. comcast owes me a handjob
you went all the way to UK and still managed to hook up with someone from our highschool...
You never cared about felonies while buying me alcohol from the little Asian woman across the street
No we are not "bros" because I came out of my moms vagina& you went in there.
It was the night of "what the fuck have you done with my daughter and where is she" texts from mom...
i was so high i thought the horse on my poster was running
Spider-Man is making out with Wonder Woman while Captain Kirk feels up Princess Lea. Nice to see nerd barriers broken down at Comic Con.
Either she's trying to smother me and failing, or she just has a really bad sense of where her tits should go.
This drunk lesbian I just met keeps trying to shove sushi in my mouth. Help.
I have banged to "The Emperor's New Groove" way more than could possibly be reasonable.
I may or may not have tried to give myself a lobotomy
He was trying to break into my apartment to get the coke he left last night, didn't engage parking break, so the van started rolling. yup, it's broken.
Randomize