Locked eyes w/ her at mainstreet, and said 'yeah yeah get it!' From there we started violently making out on the dancefloor (I had a FULL boner, ps) and then I got her number
Eric just called. Says he's trapped in a cul de sac because the road disappeared. Wants me to tell him what street has the bushes that whisper sweet nothings into you ear and the wobbling purple pokemon. Oh, and a "bigger and better" penis is growing out of his belly button. He took shrooms by the way.
and on the seventh day, God created megan fox
he believed the zit on my nose was a piercing...until he tried to bite it. needless to say he didnt ask for my number
I take no responsibility of who alcohol hooks up with using my body!
Um don't talk to me about fat. I just used my chip bag to cover up all my candy wrappers in the garbage.
so i had a hang over on saturday and i stayed in the shower for 4 hours, then crawled out, skimpered to my bed, and some kid i didnt know was sleeping in it
i don't know man, last time i saw her she was applying sunblock to her vagina
He asked me to spit in his mouth. I did. Never let me hook up with this guy again.
Omg it was awesome. At one point she says "cum in me, I'm too old to get pregnant".
WAIT DID YOU MAIL ME A KITTEN
My "lord keep me from stabbing a bitch" prayer has gotten a lot of miles today
Never thought I'd see the day when I got assless chaps in the mail, and yet here we are...
I was watchin a porno and I sware I saw that dude at the bar at applebees the other night
I like that they’re all named Christopher or Chris. No need to worry about moaning during!
Randomize
