weak ass sauce last night. waste of time. you suck. ps. your boobs are fake
when i woke up i was missing $380 from my bank account
damn...impressive bar tab
no i guess i bought a gasoline powered blender off ebay, i need a breathalyzer for my computer
He told me he had never done that before...I responded with "clearly"
Your dick is once again the conversation topic.
Now you know why i just sit on the toilet and scream
It's like my work doesn't even care about margarita mondays.
My last google search last night was 'vodka swimming pool'.
he needs a life. he was like frothing at the mouth to cockblock you
We welcome drunken adversity.
With open legs.
I could only remember yelling "rip it down" as he ninja jumped off the bed, kicked the wall, and superman punched the fire alarm off the ceiling.
I've always wondered why you never put the hotel room in your name...
Well I can't message him and be like "hey I was behind you in CVS a month ago and I remembered your last name and DOB and looked you up on fb and added you so wanna hang out"
you're usually drunk when you offer. there's one time you called me, told me not to dye my hair red, and asked if i wanted to see your tits.
So this is what it's like to wake up with someone else's blood in your nose...
Like he's moved to LinkedIn creeping on me since he's blocked everywhere else & I'm just so confused does he think I'm going to post daily updates of my life on FUCKING LINKEDIN
I'm literally trying to cool beer down right now in my car by putting it on my floor and blasting cold air on it
Randomize
