Also, i'm pretty sure i've had my birth control pill stuck in my throat since like...two pm. So i'll be practicing safe oral sex tonight.
She called it mighty mouse.. And from there it was down hill
At what number of girls whose last names are stored in your phone book as drinking establishments does it become excessive?
i hooked up with some kid with a broken arm and he wouldnt even let me sign his cast
shouldve known this week was gonna be bad when I threw up in my coffee mug
just went back to the bar and asked if they found a shoe last night.
I'm going to have to start playing roller derby again so I can blame my sex-related bruises on that.
well after pounding on the ceiling for 5 mins i just went up there to tell them to shut up.. 2 hours later i'm naked, high, lying on their kitchen floor. it escalated so quickly
Apparently the Massachusetts Bay Transit Authority severely looks down on Chinese firedrills on a public bus
Yeah but the people love.
I just got hit on at the bar by a guy who used his mother as a wingman, she was pretty convincing. Only in Stratford.
Matt's offering to breast feed it.
He seems like a super lonely dude. I bet if I gave him a picture of my tits he wouldn't make me turn in this paper.
I fit in backpacks. BOOM HERE I AM! Like a stripper from a cake.
I just broke a sweat masturbating on a Friday night. I may need a boyfriend.
She has my name on her bucket list. I’m either getting laid or killed
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