Did I tell you that you looked cute last night? I looked at the pictures. I lied.
I just answered "If only I knew" for a quiz in criminology, she loved it. I got an A
This hotel is not contributing to my sobriety, they have 4 kinds of free wine and beer.
My econ prof just gave me a shot glass because I was the "randomly picked" winner of the lecture. Ties into our supply and demand lecture, supplied with a shot glass, demand a thirsty thursday
Nothing like a $37 iTunes bill. Jesus Christ do you know how many $2 beer/shot specials that is??? The answer is 16. 16 beer/shot specials.
By the way, I got bored last night and just started putting my balls on every object in your room. One at a time.
Oh god. It's like a broken faucet. My guts sound like a bilge pump clogged with golf balls and cake frosting.
Just had to masturbate in the bathroom because mom changed my room into a "knitting" room. I hate coming home.
Come over. I've made 2 dinners and so many cocktails. I'm a 50's housewife with no family.
I don't think I'm allowed to have Burger King. What if i just chew for taste and not actually consume. Like a wine connoisseur for fast food
I'm home alone for the next hour and a half, I expect soup and and a willing attitude to do drugs from one of or both of you girls.....annnnnd go
Just to be a PITA after I die, my will leaves 1 cent to each of my FB friends. I hate my lawyer.
Help I can't tell if I'm sexually attracted to Bill Nye
Oh.
You came to the right person.
...its technically supposed to be for the bridal shower but I think I can find an ensemble that says "im hopped up on x. Stick your tongue down my throat." As well as " im supporting your marriage to my brother"
let me wake up, find my pants, and find out where i am tommorow and ill get back to you on that
Randomize
