i have yet to find a random guy that would make me want to do any position besides missionary, these are what normal people call "applying standards"
I'm gonna die fat and alone and all they will find is pizza crusts
just because you dressed up as a brontosaurus doesn't mean you can poop in my yard and roar at my neighbors
girls just need to accept the fact that i'm going to make out with their boyfriends
ra ra ra ah ah
wtf?
sexting lady gaga style
A girl just asked me to co-sign for her boob job because she didn't have enough credit built up. This is a first.
I just remember taking her cat for a walk around 3 am then falling asleep in a slide at the park
he told me he was a chubby chaser.. then winked. i'm signing up for a gym pass as we speak
It's official drugs can't kill me
they have a video of him in his boxers making a snow angel in the hallway is his own vomit and coca cola.
What made this night legendary was getting pulled over for looking suspicious while wearing an iron man mask
I just moved 6 traffic cones blocking a row of traffic. I got applause.
We were walking home from Pluckers (read carrying your drunk ass) and out of nowhere you yelled "Say bitch you got a Facebook?" at a random chick walking by.
Yeah, great now I will be tampon girl
If I told the doordash driver it's national nudity day, think he'd still report me for being topless at the door?
Randomize
