I need to take "lollipop" off of every single one of my playlists cause it makes me wanna suck dick.
Sam Adams makes it so easy to keep track of the seasons.
The girl sitting next to me in class is writing her to-do list under the title 11/31.
Even after projectile vomiting watermelon on the beach, it still sounds appetizing.
I'm sitting in the middle of them on his bed, forcing them to watch Brokeback Mountain. I am the best cock blocker ever.
You kept telling me how warm your bag of vomit was and asked me if i wanted to feel.
I am sending my doctor an XXXMas card thanking him for my tits!
I'm looking at some sugar baby profiles to get some insight on what we're up against.
i want to have awesome sex and feel fuzzy.
For future reference.... When you take a beer out of a 6pack... You don't insert your phone as a substitute.
You were doing bacon vodka shots and chasing them with barbecue sauce. You're officially fucking disgusting. I love you.
i am rolling on molly so fucking hard i want to do 300 cartwheels
last night i fell off a barstool and busted my nose. i can regretfully say that i didn't see cherub last night.
mid-sex she goes "oh my god. you aren't even going to remember my name in the morning, are you?". And i was so wasted that i straight up told her "honestly, I don't even remember your name right now"
Saw a sign that said the chorus of never gonna give you up was enough time to wash your hands. Coronavirus has Rick rolled me.
Randomize
