I totally give up. Optimus Prime just fell from the top of the Great Pyramid into the hypostyle hall at Karnak.
I wish we never smoked. I'm literally laying in bed opening and closing my eyes, just hoping a hot dog stand will appear in the room.
You know that hot fire fighter I fucked yesterday? Well him and two other guys are killing the fire on my stove. Awkward.
shes a 6ft ginger. she brings nothing to the table except for awkwardness
Easy Mac is falling out of my sweatshirt as I'm walking down the street.
i honestly don't know why someone didn't cut me off after i broke the ceiling lamp with MY HEAD
I'm unshowered, and since I've seen this episode of say yes to the dress, I've decided to go to the store and get a frozen pizza at 10:20 am. I'm crushing life.
You know you're hung over when the glare from the cream cheese on your bagel is just too bright...
I hooked up with a guy that had a beard last night felt like I was building a fucken log cabin
What's the best day of the week to potentially find out you're pregnant with your ex's baby?
I went to smoke a bowl and realized that my lighter is out and there's still frozen blueberries in my bong... I need to reevaluate my life...
The date did not go well. Turns out I once set her brother on fire.
I woke up and there is a small Irish man playing call of duty in my room. Discuss.
I learned the hard way a garbage bag will not save you when jumping from a tree at 2am
Crop dusting thru forever 21
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