i got your date sluuuuuuut pick up my calls or else hes mine
I'm saving my limes so I'll know how many drinks I've had.
I do the same thing, but I use ice cubes.
Short Circuit remake moving forward, David Carradine dead by his own hand. Come home soon, society deteriorating rapidly. Nation's capitol likely not safe.
I googled "I hate my uterus" just to make sure I wasn't the only one.
My parking ticket this morning was 30bucks. I feel like I'm paying the city to fuck you.
I got stoned in my snow covered car and pretended I was burried alive
3-9 out of 10... Depends on the situation. Taco Bell is more of an idea than a restaurant.
How stoned are you?
Successfully put eye drops in while driving with my glasses on. Stoner level: expert
i swear every fucking time i plan a party, one of our "friends" holds their shit in all week just to punch one off into the master bathroom after i pass out. it's almost like that dump you would see in a port a potty.
I just wanna inform you guys that the first pregnancy scare of 2016 is over...
Tequila is never to blame. We all make good choices under tequila
Think I was still drunk when I woke up cause I went and bought a mandolin
I just put my eye make up on in the bathroom of the bar.... I may be too comfortable here....
It’s a dick. Seen one, seen em all. Unless it spews a fountain of tequila, I don’t need to see yours.
Just realized I've spent more nights sleeping on bathroom floors the last two weeks than in my own bed. It's time to reevaluate my life.
Randomize
