I told her we could go facebook official. If she ups the oral.
i would hope so, cause i don't think 'i drove off the road because i was getting some head' is covered in insurance
The new google images is a smorgasbord of porn now are plans for tonight are off.
This inappropriate post strip club text brought to you by Cheetah of Palm Beach and vodka. Blowjob in the champagne room and the clap for the low low price of your paycheck.
I am pretty sure they consider me one of the "bros". They compliment girl's racks to me and are the human forms of dick-be-gone. They won't sleep with me more than once cause it's "weird", or let any "untrustworthy boys" sleep with me and I still help them get laid. Not...fair...
hey if you're going to the hospital do you wanna pick me up a taco on your way back
You know what the worst feeling in the world is? Sitting in your 6pm AA meeting still hungover from the night before
I just sent a bad sext to my sister. There's not even a way to damage control this, is there?
My life has evolved from screwing randos, ok?
I'm not into beards but apparently my vagina is.
Eating an avocado like an apple while doing shots of fireball and watching finding nemo. I need to get my shit together.
Interesting fact: if you wanted to rename a guy Jeff, just tell him you only fuck Jeffs. Magically whatever name he was using is actually his middle name cause he doesn't like going by Jeff.
What! I said that you would fall in love? See I know better. Dark liquor makes me think everything is a dream. I barely remember saying that
Why did I wake up covered in glitter next to a half eaten cheeseburger?
You did an excessive amount of blow and then screamed "WHO THE FUCK NEEDS A LADDER?!" And then Mario style wall-jumped onto the roof. It was one of the most impressive things I've ever seen.
Randomize
