Hey theres a creepy ass guy stalking our house.i would look alive geting in 2nite.
ha. weirdest feeling ever. just wiped my ass with my non-dominant hand. (eating cheeseburger with right one)
Your grandmother is in heaven weeping.
Today let's steal peoples pets out of their backyards and leave ransom notes
Where??
Against the wall. In corner. Only gave him head though don't worry
So he told me he wanted to fertilize my caviar. Im avoiding all foreign exchange students from now on.
Tough to be a good wingman when you puke on yourself and everyone w/in a 5 ft radius at the FIRST bar we go to so don't tell me to step my game up
We should probably go now, otherwise the whores will descend.
The cop let me finish my J before he cuffed me. Coolest arresting officer ever.
we were looking for paper towels to wrap his hand and i yanked a drawer out of the cabinet, it was fun so we just kept doing it. things escalated and long story short, he isn't gettin his security deposit back
sexting while watching Peter Pan the Musical! something just doesn't seem right here
I was thinking about the biological process causing me to puke while I was puking. THAT'S how much I'd been studying.
Broken leg sex is fun because I just get to lay there
please tell me you're the one making all the weird noise in the yard..
It's 7am. I'm making pizza & watching the Matrix. I will not be bothered.
To answer your next question, yes, I'm drunk.
I woke up in nothing but my socks and my hat a cigarette in my mouth and a beer in my hand..........GREAT NEW YEARS
Randomize