I keep trying to sit and the chair keeps running away from me
dear sober me, don't br the first to open the fridge in the morning
You were playing beer pong by yourself. Finally someone took the ball and threw it into the bonfire. You sat by it, cried, and contemplated how to get it out. For 45 minutes.
I just got kidnapped by the rugby team for a scavenger hunt. I'm "the girl you had sex with last night"
peeing on that welcome mat was like, the highlight of my week
I will also be strapping forties to the puppies.
You blacked out and walked in on my neighbor breast feeding at 3am yelling "where is my best friend". I think we should go apologize.
My garbage can has nothing in it besides condoms and candy wrappers. That's good garbage.
Fuck you, if it wasn't for us going to the city, she would be using me as a human sex toy all day.
The night was crazy enough that we did a workout. Instructed by the bouncer at 2am
In her defense, she didn't know I had a twin brother. Plus, we're even: I banged her sister.
Do u have any idea how hard it is to masturbate in a CVS bathroom when your name is being called over the speakers to pick up a prescription for painkillers?
Let he who has not made drunken spaghetti at 3 a.m. cast the first stone.
Look, if this is a cop, just lemme know that Mike is ok. Fuckin all star game
If by whore you mean UPGRADE....then yes I am
Randomize
