Rescue me. My white trash great uncle just pulled out his belly at the restaurant to show us how big this woman's tit was
Who would have guessed that ordering a vodka lemonade at Roscoe's was code for I want a hand job
why didn't we just drop out of school years ago and become dominatrix bitches who beat men?
I don't know but we should still do that
He spent the whole night convincing me I wasn't fat, but after we had sex he said "Oh, I see what you mean"
and then the other night his penis tricked us both into sex
I'm sober enough to question why I have your name as "the wolverine" in my phone.
What are you doing? Did I punch you in the face last night?
Just realized that St. Patty's is on a Saturday this year in case you were interested in coming to New York and redefining bender with me.
When someone comes out of your vagina and stomps on your dreams, you'll understand.
I blew him while he was standing up and he drooled on my head
you can't just say no to brian. he was bugging me to get me to drunk for 14 hours straight yesterday. HE DOESN'T GIVE UP
The spirit of America is being too hungover to celebrate America right?
You casually put your finger in my ass and other people are weird..
so how was it...?
sadly not as impressive as one might expect from a division one athlete. he lacked the stamina i had hoped for, and by lacked i do mean he fell asleep while he was still inside me. an epic wtf moment, i know.
He's a wizard, there is no other explanation for how hard I came last night. None.
Randomize
