well that one time I was being a total idiot trying to see how much I could drink. turns out 22 shots is too much. surprise surprise! ambulance party!
I'm pretty sure a girl doesn't give it up with a reverse cow girl...
I threw up so much beer last night that my puke had a nice head on it.
Please dont jizz on my ds screen.
She's like a pop up book from hell.
I'd be surprised if he had a problem with boundaries after helicoptering his penis in front of you
Just called the bar: "hi this is the girl who you kicked out for excessive bleeding, do you happen to have my coat?"
She blew me in the back of the cab while eye of the tiger was on the radio. Top five all time automatically
A sandwich with pizza as the bread. I love you.
YES WITH THE SQUARE KIND OF SLICES
Night is still young. Puking guts out part of it just began
He told me he wanted to sober fuck the shit outa me... I took that as a compliment
I'm so cold without your freakishly high body temperature
that's the equivalent to a normal girlfriends. 'I miss you' btw
After we finished having sex, he drunkenly tried to hugh five me, farted, then accused me of stealing his socks.
skipped tacos for a blowjob. No tacos. No blowjob. More importantly...no tacos. Wtf?
I am real keen for none of this to be taken out of context so let’s just shut it down right now
Randomize
