hey call me
can't. in the shower.
... and this is probably why your phone does not work half the time.
So I have exactly 420 dollars saved up in tips from the past week. I win, and I take that as a sign from god that I am allowed to use that money to buy drugs.
There should be a blender full of rum, tea, and grape jelly in the freezer. She thought it was a good idea until she blew chunks.
Also on a more serious note, what says pull my hair more: straight or soft curls?
Now some guy that's in my phone as " Alex lip ring hot" is texting me and I don't where life is taking me
it was also funny because at one point I woke up with my hands tied with a belt and we were both like what the fuck
We didn't mean to put a petting zoo in the elevator.
I've decided that buying my first unused mattress has been my first major step into real adulthood.
Nothing can teach you regret more efficiently than a wine hangover.
Booty called 3 guys from my hospital bed
Man, coughing on your period is like the biggest gamble a girl can make.
I just used a gift card from my in-laws to buy their daughter a vibrator. What even are morals?
Changed all my ex bf's names to "no" in my phone so the next time I try to drunk text one of them it'll basically be like Russian roulette
I'm gonna tell the medical examiner that your cause of death was over-arousal.
I have got to move on from this "sleeping with every drug dealer I meet" phase.
Randomize
