I can't find my pants or my car
I didn't even hookup I think I took them off at taco bell...
ha omg I always lose my dignity at taco bell as well... so no big deal.
Isn't the perk of being in a relationship not having to put in effort for sex?
Apparently tackling a bar stool and crashing to the floor while yelling for 6 shots of whiskey won't get you thrown out on St Pattys Day.
just a heads up, there may or may not be a mailbox full of the leftover beer on the table in your basement.
I want to spend time with you, and by time, I mean real time. Not your dick in my mouth time.
I CAME AT YOU WITH RAW FEELING
you grabbed my dick through my pants and hissed at me.
He called himself excalibur. Thats all I remember.
I just sat there and watched paula deen's face melt for an hour.
He fell asleep and I'm awkwardly laying here because all I have to wear is my tutu. I'm pretty sure his roommate is going to be back soon so this should be fun. This is my life now. PS. the background of his phone is a picture of his hedgehog.
She said, "awww, you're so sweet" after I started putting on a condom. How many STDs have I just contracted?
I standby a snuggie being perfectly acceptable attire for drunkenly walking your dog at 5am. Our new neighbors did not seem to agree.
Is this helping you get pumped up or am I going to have to send you more dick pics?
Youre attempt to ruin my night by putting Date Rape by Sublime on my sex playlist failed. She was into it.
Can't a woman sleep on the floor in her own apartment in peace without being judged?
LET US USE OUR GENITALS TO CELEBRATE THIS VICTORY
Randomize
