I have a new suitor he got my # last nite... I was to tipsy to function! What was I thinking!! It's like u when u first met me
I've decided to bang my pen-pal.
I cant remeber how long i've been laying here...it could be 10 minutes to a fucking day
went to the gyno and found out that i have a birthmark on my clit. its like god gave guys a little help when it comes to getting me off.
you came back at 4am in a suit jacket and a half eaten burrito...
We're doing the donut challenge later. How many can we fit on his erect penis. Needless to say we get along well.
My roommate just got home. Made an entire package of bacon. Ate it. And then went to bed.
Do you remember calling yourself Captain Cockblock and openly giving out everyones sexual history? Because you did.
Valentines day isn't about being a couple in love..... It's about chocolate and faking orgasms.
i had a threesome. one of the guys used to bully me in high school too for being gay.
I cannot FaceTime with your penis
idk wtf was in that bud but I was talking to my dead dog last night bro holy shit
Whoever jacked off in MY pong room on the bean bag with your fucking googles pick up your fucking cum towel you gross disgusting fucks. I said NO MORE jacking off in that room. I swear I will empty it out if this is going to continue.
if anyone asks you the platypus in my bathtub is a gift...thats all anyone needs to know
Sorry, Geoff can’t come to his phone right now. He’s outside trying to show his dick to a bachelorette party bus with “DTF” written on the windows
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