Get condoms and clear your schedule for the night. I'm bringing chinese food!
so i asked him why he doesn't wanna see me anymore and he said he was questioning his sexuality. cool.
he was CRYING into my vagina
Climbing onto the roof in a dress and high heeled boots was probably not the best idea, especially after all that Bacardi.
drunk taco night MLK would want it this way.
I asked you how much you drank and you replied with "I don't know what kind of toothpaste I use."
Makin mac and cheese without you. Definitely seem to do this better inside you. Splashed boiling water on my cock
I'm sorry I drunk dialed you before realizing that you were already in bed with me.
my cat just photo bombed my nudie.. does this qualify me as a cat lady?
So in the middle of making out, he decided to give me a breast exam. God I love dating a doctor. He saved me a $20 copay.
Beer bong just needs to be rebedazzled but it's gonna make it
I ate 1200 calories worth of chocolate covered marshmallows and googled why it is okay to be single forever
I haven't been dieting for my entire life to date some guy who thinks his dad bod is a riot.
She came out of the bathroom listening to her iPod and crying. Then she started scream 'she will be loved'. She seems to be handling the break up well lol
You can’t judge a dick by its balls.
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