38 yer olds are good kisserssss
I just woke up to my FedEx of contacts I've been waiting for for about a week and my hungover ass went to the bathroom and used beer instead of contact solution.
We walked in and the first thing we heard was, "OH SHIT! White chicks!" Naturally, I made some new male friends.
I got drunk and smashed his tv with the keg and so he blames me for being evicted.
she added emergen-c to the bong-water bro, brilliant.
Found trail of ibuprofen on ground. I'm like the intervention version of e.t.
which guy lost his keys in my bed this weekend?
He offered to take my unemployed self out for drinks, but I really just want him to buy me the Beyoncé album
I'm honored that you could tear yourself away from your girlfriend's vagina long enough to text me.
If it snows I'm making an igloo and getting wasted in it
You 2012 self promised me that you would do LSD with me, and it's 2015 now. So.
Plus, I'm basically a doctor, so what could go wrong.
You threw up at the outdoor bar and it was pretty...astonishing just how much can come out of such a small human.
I just woke up butt-naked in bed with a guy I've never seen..I reached into my bag next to the bed to get my phone and found a bag of shrooms, a handle of vodka, and 600 dollars that I've never seen. what do I do
enjoy it.
Was last night real life? Like did you really light your hair on fire
Want to have dinner and we can talk about how my vagina can make you feel better?
Randomize