Make note: the first date is too soon to make the "condoms are only for making balloon animals" joke.
Well, I fucked her. But the sex wasn't all that great. Morning sex never is
My teachers should feel privileged to see me this morning, after the amount of alcohol I consumed last night.
I probably wouldn't hook up with him if I had to deal with more than his penis. i think cumulatively we are up to a minute of actual conversation this week.
I've learned something. I regret way too may Tuesdays in my life to be normal
Do you know anything about the Easter basket sitting on my doorstep filled with porn and peeps?
couldn't find my pants so i stole a pair of shorts from the passed out kid in the corner.
Just drank an entire bottle of champagne for lunch. It's gonna be that kind of semester.
Imagine Captain Hook, but in penis form and sometimes shy.
I was just too high to be in rapids man. I just screamed for the entire time I was jostling about.
I woke up spooning with a broom that someone taped a mustache too..i need to stop starting my nights by drinking "hangover" wine.
He showed up at my house, drunk, proclaiming that he needed to fuck me...my dad let him in
I just want to know how she convinced 6 sober ROTC guys to have an ab contest on a street corner at 2 in the morning.
You are allergic to dogs. DO NOT kidnap something you are allergic to. No matter how fluffy.
Sorry my friend with benefits tried to run you over with his car
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