I have to start avoiding pregnant women. This is getting out of hand.
Ed hardy makes air fresheners now. Now even the air can be a douchebag.
sent the pic of my tit to the wrong bbm chatroom
While at warped tour today a girl was crowd surfing and her vagina landed in my face, I call that a successfull day.
Somewhere along the night we ended up at a food lion giving jello shots to high school girls.
just reminessing about the wedding and were they seriously to tight to serve a meal oorrrrrr was it just another one of my black-out-by-dinner drunks
the fact that you actualy have a 'black-out-by-dinner drunk' is a bit deserving..
I would say I'm the man in the relationship but I'm cuddled on the couch eating cake mix and water.
I am convinced that after two dates and a few adult sleepovers that he still doesn't know my name.
Trying to put a fitted sheet on drunk is one of the boss levels of slutty adulthood.
Where are you on a scale from one to wasted?
Like alphabetically I'd say a v
I love when groups of boys part so I can walk through. It's like a red sea of penises, and I am their Moses.
I woke up in a bunk bed beside two Brazilians dude you have no idea how happy I was
Hey, is this going to be a real date, or am I just meeting you at a hotel to have sex in the bathroom? Given our history, I think it's a fair question.
Pandora played an ad for a free trial for an abortion pill if you’ve had unprotected sex in the last 2-3 days and then Lucky came on... I literally am dying laughing
At this point, I would not mind getting hit by a truck. It would mean I could get this over with quicker.
Randomize
