So im pretty sure the object of my emotional onterest is tired of playing with me....
Remind them to make the "above the influence" commercial about us fallin off a ferris wheel
Just found a "how to get laid" book on the dresser and am now a victim of method number 16 corollary 7.
Pretty sure that's a used tampon hanging from the tree outside my window.
She tried to beat him up using a half gallon of Bacardi, instead she got tangled in Kayla's hanging bra and broke a lamp. She can party with us anytime.
Haha. Fifty shades ain't got shit on me. My tits look like they got in a fight.
That moment when your whole family facetimed you just moments before you threw up all over the entire living room
I'm gone to the point of literally hugging trees, partially for support, but also because I like them.
What guy invites over a booty call, gets all naked and then when the real fun begins and a condom is needed, claims to not have one? And wears socks THE entire time?
And then I discovered that while drunk last night I called the NAACP and left an angry voicemail demanding they fix the racism at my school
I don't drink nearly as much when I'm coupled, and that's not a lifestyle I can commit to
I'm not sure why he thinks weird that I masturbate AND look at pinterest at the same time.
someday i'll meet a man and who loves me as much as i love getting drunk and starting fires
Btw, apparently no one knows who ordered the pizzas for the after party, no one paid, and the delivery lady made a celeb shot, took a beer, then said she'd be back later to finish up the game...
He may be a manwhore, but he’s a very well endowed manwhore
That’s an important feature when it comes to a manwhore
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