Def gonna have stinky sex sometime soon. GOT TO! she has eligible friends for you, as well.
Turns out, Windex will cut right through semen stains on a computer case.
Wine smoothie.... Not as good as I thought it would be
i think my mom would be mad if i was pregnant. last time i was she grounded me for a week.
I really hope our interview with channel 6 last night doesn't air or else my parents are gona get a first hand look at my alcohol problem
And I'm not sure if that's how you pluralize penis. Never planned on needing to know that in my life.
High as shit. I just described caramel syrup on crackers to my mom for 15 minutes...
Can I come over? I respect you, but I want disrespectful things to happen
It's a little sad/awesome that I scored coke within 60 seconds of walking in the bar.
The student becomes the teacher.
As my straight cousin I need you to answer a question. Are the Astros a baseball team, and if so, are they good? This is flirting related and time-sensitive.
That sounds worse than that time you thought out an entire story of how big bird would kill you
If I could figure out how to do him with his wranglers on you would never see me again.
I would steal a car if I knew it had wheat thins in it
is it necessary to steal the whole car?
Now after not puking, next step is not to do the accent when immigration says "hello."
You just sent a mass text asking if anyone ever drank the blood of a goat in the glorious name of Satan...after that we confiscated any writing utensil
Randomize