Just made out with a pet sitter. His biz card says "even hamsters". Lowest point in my life.
There is somethin about your sexuality that makes my dick do jumping jacks when I see you
There is no way when we get home that nothing will hapen
soo apparently i was out of money so i stayed in the bathroom for an hour-ish passing out paper towels for money..needless to say i got kicked out
So then I told him that only a restaurant managed by a florida fan could run out of ketchup
apparently you can't crawl through the drive-thru window
just an fyi, false alarm on the whole ghonnorea thing. you're safe.
you know I love you but I need to see your friends tits
im sorry but you know it was a good night when you got tasered on the ass and didnt even feel it
She made a roadhead CD. Can I marry her?
It's all fun and games until you throw up hot cheetos in your drawer.
There is no issue with you seeing me...morally or ethically. we'll update your resume anyway. I really need to have sex with you later. Really
after stripping the bed and soaking it with the "pet spot remover" I have, I decided in the best interest of my mattress and our drunk friends bladders, i should invest in rubber sheets.
I let him use my phone and now I keep getting gay cruise ads, I guess he forgot to mention something.
He's hot, clean, can actually cook, and best of all isn't a narcissistic prick. I found a unicorn.
Ride that fucker.
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