Can we have unprotected sex soon?
Don't quote me on that, I'm a walking boner
apparently they started giving me water shots and i couldnt tell the difference
i woke up to see him pissing on your n64. thats like killing a unicorn. punishable by death for sure.
You know how you thought that you put on a condom last weel?
yea
turns out that you did...and i just found it.
You said your dick dragged you up the stairs
WHY AM I ALWAYS DEFEATED BY THE LATIN COCK?!?!
MASS TEXT: who ever dared Todd to suck on the Clorox wipes last night.. good goin jackass. you can come visit him, hes in room 266, AFTER hes done getting his stomach pumped.
HE DARED ME TO DARE HIM... DONT PUT THAT ON ME.
He rode my dog to the bathroom and wouldn't stop laughing once he got in. It was scary.
Is it 3pm? Or am I losing my mind because it's pickled in vodka and diet coke?
Me and this random chick had a conversation about how to save the world. 2 words: Dance. Battles. I love drunk heart to hearts in bar bathrooms.
I went to a community college and majored in Bad Decisions. I'm not exactly a chick magnet.
I'm moving out of my place and I just gave my mom a couch that I had sex on last night. Reduce, reuse, recycle at its best.
Why was I lying under a truck last night?
Today's goals: get day drunk then sober up in time for the walking dead tonight.
How the fuck did he think me asking about the possibility of a threesome was a rhetorical question?
Randomize
