uhhh i just had a guy tell me he's seen more jam bands and done more drugs than i could err imagine. what a turn on.
Jennifer and I just ate like 4 jello shots w/ a guy dressed as inspector gadget. We are still in the capital building btw
I love Texas.
so i was pissing and the phone rang but i forgot i was pissing so i just ran to answer the phone. it was too late when i realized
I'm pretty sure there is a country song about this exact situation
had to ask my 13 year old sister if she knew any dealers... she did. it's good to be home.
This morning I proved to myself and all the kids on the playground that I can't puke and drive.
you flashed my boyfriend last night so i tackled you to the floor. you may be a bit sore.
Come over. We have tacos... And girls who took their clothes off. But mainly, tacos.
You should have seen the pharmacists face when I paid for my inhaler refill and a box of condoms.
there was 'chicken suit porn' in my search history.......also 'scuba diving porn'
but seriously, if you see a redhead running down the street tonight in a carrot costume, call 911. He's tripping hard.
I'm glad our friendship can withstand laughing mid-blowjob during the diarrhea scene in Dumb & Dumber.
Side note: I just realized that I can make my hand warmers double as a heated push up bra.
i feel like if we ever had babies together they would just be drunk all the time
Eventually the conversation shifted (as it always does) to Sex toys.
Randomize
