woke up and her hair clip was clamped around my shaft
Does puking on your bio final mean I can retake it?
She refered to her bed as the "cockpit"....I understand that this morning.
just threw up on dog. broke microwave with cheese and spoon. having a bath with my barbies singing final countdown.
before you ask yes i found the absinthe under your bed. ITS THE FINAL COUNTDOWWWWNNNNNN
You were so high you insisted on spoon feeding me your KFC bowl while I was driving.
Was who let the dogs out playing?
Ya. You started barking when it ended
If that's all it takes to cure your hangovers then you need to drink more.
Guess who figured out you can fit an entire bottle of champagne in a big Subway cup. Open container laws my ass.
Needs to be more caveman. "Me kill roommate. You watch. Then sex time with our genitals."
Me and tommy were trying to figure out why our printer was jammed, found a condom stuck in the paper slot. #collegeprobs
Just passed the animal clinic parking lot I had to pull over to puke in during welcome week. I can almost hear the dogs barking at my shame again.
NOBODY TALKS SHIT ABOUT PANDA EXPRESS
I find him attractive in the absolute weirdest way. Like I need him to do my taxes, but I also feel like I should spill things on him to gain his attention and then lick it off to gain his affection.
Don't tell me you're on acid again
First post college job and I got fired within a week. Something tells me that adulthood isn't going to be as much fun as sex and the city led me to believe.
I mean that was the nicest way to be dumped by some one I wasn't dating.
Randomize
