Just toasted a glass of brandy with my own reflection to my dimples. Why are you not here?
You were petting your shoe and saying this makes me really happy
You told him that your vagina was the "King Crab" of all vagina's.
I'm up to 9 pic of different guys. I need 4 more boys and each one of the 13 to submit 3 additional pics. I wanna make a penis deck of cards.
Drunk in a canoe getting pulled by a lawnmower thinking of you
Do you think that my Facebook profile picture kinda look like im being raped by a 10 foot polar bear ?
Dave, I love you but you're barking up the wrong lesbian. You sir are the competition. You don't threesome with competition.
I almost itched my nose with the lit end of a cigarette. Help.
omg his dad is hot
... I'm currently away at the moment. Leave a msg since I cannot express how much I can't help you stop ruining peoples lives.
Do you remember peeing in the sink while I was throwing up?
No ma'am, I do not. I found a video of us trying to do a trust fall though. Emphasis on the trying.
This is not the first time I've recognized my body is subconsciously trying to make pizza.
It's just a friend who is recently single and I'm going to heal his broken heart with my vagina
my underwear is inside out , I have a giant hickie. I'm wearing last nights makeup. this is going to be the best day at work ever
Yeah apparently i called the bartender a "fucking prison warden" after she took my keys and called me a cab
RESIST THE DICK
thats like telling me to resist drinking water. impossible.
Randomize
