I don't smoke a lot but now and then I do. Weed and I are like still standing naked in a bathroom together deciding if we should blow one another or bolt for the exit. An awkward relationship.
My grandmother just explained bulimia to me as a diet
God gave him joint rollers for hands
Why is everyone in the bowling alley looking at me like i'm a prostitute just because I have bunny ears on?
I know you hold the fastest time for "zoo downhill wheelchair racing" but I don't see what that has to do with this.
Remember when puke and rally meant a good time? Fuck pregnancy
I sent him a picture of my boobs instead of saying good morning. I'm trying to tell him how I feel in a language he'll understand.
I made out with an Italian cab driver. Not cool. Help. Good news he will drive us anywhere we want to go as long as you cook food?!?!?! I want to melt into the pavement.
It bothers me when I see my old fuck buddies starting families on Facebook.
I shit you not. Dude complemented me for being meme savvy. You could drown a toddler in my panties right now.
As I took my shirt off he commented on how great my boobs where. I responded with "thanks, I grew them myself"
It will be the shitshow of all shitshows.
This is the fifth time tonight that girl has taken off my pants. Take me home. Now.
apparently ive been in a long term relationship for the past 1 1/2 years w/ out knowing
How naked do you want me to be?
Randomize
