Do u think she knows her nickname is the oompa loompa
It's like a parade of train wrecks.
I literally ate my thanksgiving dinner while getting a lapdance. And honestly, after that, there is no other way.
can't remember last night but the beers were $3.50, so i can count how many I had by counting my quarters
i can afford to take several trips up and down the parkway right now if I wasn't still hanging over my toilet
I kept feeling my boobs..just to make sure they were still there.
just shottied a beer can with a pumpkin carver. i love October.
My walk of shame got a new perspective when I walked into his livingroom and found his roommate fucking some chick on the coffee table.
He brought me bullshit flowers and a bullshit apology. Even shrek did more than that for Fiona. And he's an ogre. Does this not say anything about him?
Just traded the drive-through guy at BK a Dos Equis for a Hershey pie before noon... win?
I don't wanna be gay for a night.
I think it would be worth it for free alcohol.
Finally had sex in the new kitchen. Burnt the hamburgers and hit myself in the face with the freezer door. Worth it.
He got an erection from helping me mobilize my lumbar spine. I love physical therapy school.
There is a video on my phone of me suckling a bag of wine from your crotch area while you say "The Body of Christ" in a Michigan accent. I vaguely remember being offended by this yet I did it anyway.
He's pretending to be my boyfriend so that my family won't bother us when we sneak off to smoke weed
And my butt misses you like the deserts miss the rain.
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