He's cheating on his wife, and he's judging me for eating McDonalds
planned ethnic drinking holidays while bored at work thru next may. I don't suppose you have any scots or russian in you?
Why do they give me cups on $8 pitcher night? I HAVE A PITCHER.
No clues in my phone. Only dialed call: my own social security number. And that was before 10:00pm.
Just successfully went through airport security with shrooms. It's gonna be a fucking awesome new years
You stole my camera, took a picture of yourself and said "that's beautiful, just as beautiful as our waitress".
Also while I am being the bigger person I plan on bringing over something strong smelling and/or alcoholic to torture the poor hungover bastard
I'm sorry and I love you. One day we're going to live in a whore mansion with our babies and make boys cry.
OMG HIS EYES ARE POOLS OF SEX. HOT SEX.
Sidenote: do you recall your "give me the d" chant
You know I'm dangerous when I have make-out withdrawals
Goddamnit Shari. He's not called Pencil Dick because he's good a sketching...
THIS IS A TERRIBLE REWARD FOR NOT GETTING PREGNANT.
Explaining that I bought them at a strip club gift shop with my friend didnt make the furry handcuffs seem less weird
and idk now I have nine bags of lettuce in my fridge
Randomize
