Call me Kermit cause I'm about to go piggin
So the girl I hooked up with last night pretended to be from Comcast when my girlfriend stopped by this morning. She even made a fake appointment to check her internet. Best hookup ever.
Well, technically I had a shirt on, it was just around my waist.
I just realized that I'm gonna have to lower my standards if I want random head.
Well you really should've thought of that before you painted your walls the same color as your toilet
He's like a perfect storm of amazing hair and horrible judgment.
If a man doesnt have the ability to fuck you well on a small climbing wall, I don't think he deserves you.
it doesn't matter, he's just a life support system for his dick
Last time Jon threw a party I woke up on my porch, no shirt but 4 bras on, and "make better life choices" written on my stomach in sharpie
Just found dollar bills in my sheets. What part of the weekend am I forgetting?
it's ok my mom asked me why i had a guys shirt on and also why there was chocolate all over my bra
i tried to propose to him with my nipple ring but i couldnt figure out how to take it out
She drunkenly dropped her ranch for her pizza. She tried to clean it up with her hands off the street then realized it didn't work and started licking her fingers.
If anything I look like a soccor mom going out for her annual ladies night. Trying hard, but not quite in her twenty's anymore.
That's how pantless uber rides happen
Randomize
