My mom just told me that after i turned eight i stopped growing mentally and emotionally
You remember correctly you did get a golf cart ride out but it wasnt because you were special. You were so smashed you were screaming tiger at random golfers in the middle of there backswing.
$1.99 mimosas n bloodys til 3. Happy hour starts at 4. We're gonna ride the mechanical bull to kill the hour inbetween.
Please take video.
If a man's penis is referred to as "the family jewels" does that make a woman's vagina a jewelry box?
They're all gay and their wifi network is named HOMOS. I want to live with these people.
Did you spray paint that captain morgan fifth that's in the freezer gold?
im honestly just eating salsa and looking at his penis
i am way too old to be getting fingered at work
It's like she can't drink without using a flambongo
Wanna tell me why vodka seeped out of the memory foam when I climbed into my bed?
I woke up in a poorly constructed blanket fort on a strange office floor covered in rug burns and champagne. How was your night?
i know you're upset so i should probs be supportive but i've got nothing in that department. your life suuuuucks
That was a very uncomfortable conversation to have without pants on. But his mom was pretty cool about it.
After we won that round of beer pong you attempted to swallow the winning ball whole claiming you had the mouth and jaw of a snake.
A snake? I must've been gone...
After that you got naked and hissed at people the rest of the night..
I wouldn't have found her if it wasn't for the vomit trail leading into my brother's room.
Randomize
