I dont kno what was worse. Waking up 2 a guy next to me thinking I got blackout or realizing it was your boyfriend.
How do you jack off and text at the same time?
On my iPhone they have an app for that
You know you have a problem when the only thing that saves you is that you drank so late into the night that you sleep through the designated walk of shame time window
I cant help but queef when the male extremity enters
What is a male extremity?
i didnt realize it was that long since you've had sex
"Tuesday" and "open-bar" shouldn't be used in the same sentence.
I'll sleep on the bed... The couch is now designated banging area. Any banging performed outside of that area will be subject to fines of cleaning up stains.
We got the possum out of our house. We built a maze with our empty kegs and chased it with brooms.
Out of desperation, I used the leftover sauce from my goat masala as a mixer for vodka shots.
Some guy just drank alcohol from me shoe..I think he's had enough..
I can't name a single part of my body that isn't sore. Who says break up sex is bad sex?
I don't care if my next phone has to run on the blood of virgin koala bears, I don't want to be scrambling for a charger.
this night just went from meh to biblical thanks to drunk naked yahtzee
Was your wine and cheese snap taken from the toilet?
I am one with the molecules
I guess we coulda said a little less mature audience and a little more e for everyone.
Randomize
