There's something fitting about a hot in-car interracial makeout to the tune of 'healing the world.' RIP Mike.
oh my god i am going to vomit. and little burgers wearing crowns are going to come out.
she was talking to me but i could help but stare at the extremely long hairs on her boobs. then she says, "your looking at the hair on my boobs aren't you"
im sure we could have fun without alcohol but i just dont wanna chance it...
So I had a Liz Lemon moment today....went to Chipotle to get my "cheer me up" burrito bowl for the 4th time this week and the chipotle guy sighed and said always the same huh?
She gave me a blow job and her mom gave me blueberry muffin afterwards. I love them.
When I woke up in the parking lot today I decided it is not a good idea to hang out with you anymore.
Who would have guessed that on my moms birthday she'd have sex with the door open. :(
This girl did not understand, once police sirens go on, road-head needs to STOP
Never use fire and ice condoms with a dude who always claims he "didn't know it was the wrong hole"
Just had the "whores are people too" talk with Mom. Bright side it's Christmas, and I may have been drunk, I don't think she caught on.
I just remembered that i did pull ups in a bikini on the porch of Red Lobster last night. someone needs to stage an intervention
I'm literally 40 minutes from where I was supposed to stay. I woke up in a parking lot.
She had never heard the term "grundle" before. Classiest girl I've met in months
my goal is to never have a bac of 0.0 the whole time while in the state of florida, which means i have to chug a beer before i cross the state line
Randomize
