If I had a sex resume I'd get tons of jobs.
first time Ive ever had to stop sex to go pass out in the kitchen floor...
walked into the kitchen nd asked my mom what smells like tuna she replies" your sister" now i cant eat tuna...EVER!!!
He asked me how my body knew that a month was up when it was time for my period.
1 stripper is 160/hr. 2 strippers is 280/hr. it would be fiscaly irresponsible to only get one.
Oh no it's bring yor chld to work day...I'm too drunk for this
It's a bathroom floor kind of morning.
I was going to text him and apologize but I didn't want him to think that meant I approved of him being my niece's booty call.
I think my vagina is phsycic. All day it tingled and then BAM Channing Tatums look alike fucks me like ive never been fucked in my life.
Why are you surprised? I've only ever liked older guys since I was a 3 yr old crushing on her pediatrician.
Ok. I'll enjoy the quiet (translation: I might be naked, call ahead if you come home tonight)
Can we just smoke a few bowls and eat grilled cheese while drunk in our hotdog suits at 9am ?
We watched scrubs, then I got a shower blowjob which led to shower sex and the living room floor sex. Now she's baking cookies. I may not be studying, but I'm doing something right.
Also, the greatest of ironies: I got shampoo confiscated by security while Corey managed to get pot through. MERICA!
And now you know why we call him Three-Balls Brad
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