I didn't go out last night, but I dreamed that I blacked out and the *CRAZY* thing I did was to eat 12 cupcakes off 12 diff plates and stack them up neatly. If I had a life, I'd hate it.
He had a number 3 tattooed on his penis. And when I asked what it meant, he said " you know like dale earnhardt, the intimidator".
it's like there's an entire ecosystem in your vagina.
Maryland truck stops are full of people with killer mustaches
Dude you has no fucking this poptart
What?
I dont know to explain this.
You can't keep basing your relationship off of the fact that you both love ramen noodles
Did you really end last night's sexting with "Stay thirsty my friend"?
Also, putting laundry hampers on my head and pretending I'm an astronaut is a good way to get caught in every door frame in the house.
I AM OVERLY HIGH AND OVERLY AWARE OF MY TONGUE IN MY MOUTH
I mean it was his birthday. How was I supposed to tell him he could not wear a sombrero while we bang.
If I'm going to risk life and limb to wear a Wings jersey to the Garden next week, the least they can do is win.
And the most would be ending up in bed with one of them.
Basically I will actually need a reindeer pulled sleigh to make it to all the penises in one night.
Company meeting and there he was. Felt a little weird like 'last night you were telling me how your dick loves me, and now we're listening to a report on sales figures'.
I threw up in my brother's Easter basket
She took me into the bathroom and force fed me a panini, it was pretty good.
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