There's a girl in front of me with a see through white shirt on and her back says I suck bad dick. Fun night hun?
Nothing kills the mood more than a jesus song.
We're attempting to get a tally of how may people puked last night...Please respond with your vomit status.
Im on the side of I-10 covered in sweat, cookie dough, hollandaise sauce, onion gravy, and ground beef wondering how my life I ended up here
I know this is random but to this day I regret not having sex with you on that atv on the top of that mountain underneath the American flag.
I hate it when the guy who runs the chicken and waffles truck is convinced that I run a cult.
that is the opposite of a normal text message.
Did we almost burn down the bar last night? I guess flaming shots were a bad idea.
I was scared I had HIV after last time so I'm not gonna do it again
But he was really hot
Glad you don't have HIV
Just saw a woman trying to order Mcdonalds at a trash can. God bless America.
I love 3rd shift and working at a hotel I just had a late night booty call while I was getting paid..could life get any better??
On the bright side, only one more day until we aren't sober anymore.
Just keep your throat open and beer will always find its way in.
Which president had the biggest dick?
Take your time, I'll wait
I supernannyed him into submission
I came and sneezed at the same time. Words can't describe how awesome it was.
Randomize
