Heybabeimwearingurpanties
Big sunglasses are the new paper bag
ya. and they're way easier to confince girls to wear during sex
There was something that i liked about you, but you spent it
All of my current injuries can be related back to sex.
It's the foolproof way to identify who didn't get laid last night
my bartender licked my nipple. never stay after hours
I think he just made me trade sex for my cat.
Breakfast-of-shame with my mother. I was in half of a sexy Mad Hatter costume. We had artisan bagels and judgement.
Her only article of clothing is an American Flag
I'm pants less watching buffy the vampire slayer drinking rum. I'm not that hard to impress
You ask too many questions when I'm blowing you. You're like a dentist asking how my day has been during a cleaning.
Don't Richard Nixon her vagina
Alcohol won't break your heart. I mean, unless it's all gone maybe
He just told me I was beautiful, whilst I peed into a cup. If this isn't love I don't know what is.
this is the 3rd time this week I've gone to the liquor store to stock up for the next 2 weeks
Randomize
