How can she be afraid to give you a blowjob? It's not like your penis is going to turn on her and eat her.
if i were reduced to my simplest elements, i would be jizz and glitter.
I'm giving up shame for lent. Here come the best 40 days and nights of my life.
I don't care how hungover you are were not listening to enya
everybody makes mistakes
i didn't know they allowed you to text in ambulances
so does the 200 for rent and 150 for utilities include the never telling my boyfriend about the guys i bring home.. or is that extra?
I just want to have such an intense orgasm that my heart stops and I die. I mean that would kind of suck for the guy I'm fucking but then again he could be like "I'm that good"
You were so drunk, you called my cruise control, the "auto pilot" and asked my car politely to take us to Taco Bell.
Like I feel like I use my high IQ for the wrong things
After you passed out we took your car to the campus and stole a 150lb plaque that's now in your trunk. Happy birthday!
I think the best course of action at this point is to cut his balls off to get him to stop reproducing
I took a dab in Denver and was I. Rocky Mountain national park almost to Wyoming before I realized I missed my turn.
Don't put me in that position. I am not qualified to be the responsible adult here.
Whenever a guy asks me why I like weird sex stuff, I just answer, "Catholic School".
like honestly, the vodka had to go somewhere, and your moms soap dispenser just seemed right at the time..
Randomize