I dont have enough money in my bank account to buy a pregnancy test. this wouldnt be the first time ive had to steal one either...
Can the rest of this semester just go by as a montage?
Also pencil in smooth jazz and illegal activities. The usual.
Jesus christ how hard is BRING SNACKS AND DRUGS to interpret? I trust your judgement on this one.
Confirmed. Vegetarians give terrible head.
yeah the little voice in my head screaming YOU NEED TO GET LAID eventually grew legs and started kicking me so to avoid brain damage i had to fuck him
We're gona eat taco bell and then take exlax and see who can hold it in the longest. Loser has to pay for drinks all weekend. You in?
It was one of the greatest weekends of my life. And that's even after factoring in spraying myself in the face with the bidet.
I should have listened to my dad and mean girls... If you have sex you'll get pregnant and die.
I just lost my handcuff virginity and not in the sexy way.
HE WAS CUMMING IN THAT DICK PIC
NOT PREGNANT HIGH FIVE!
I've been drunk texting you for weeks, and you watched me puke outside your house... I say it's time we meet in person.
Can I come kidnap you from work so we can chug mimosas? My little brother has a ski mask I can borrow.
Yeah totally passed out in their trash can last night.
Randomize
