i have a reoccuring irrational fear i'm going to walk in on my dad masterbating. Night.
I was so high last night that i'm 89% sure my roommates set up an obstacle course for me and timed it. Not positive.. I think one of the challenges was pairing shoes
Blowjobs in the shower are a lot like blowjobs not in the shower. Awesome.
My coke dealer 411'd my work number just to see how I was doing and gave me his new number. He must miss my business
Midnight run for medical supplies ended several hours later with a lapdance to the Braveheart soundtrack.
I have a gash on my leg an a lobster leg in my purse.
Don't make it weird, I don't think about you when I'm climaxing, it's just that I see you rooting me on.
Hon, I found you crying into a bathrobe in the back of a closet with a broken shoerack.
I am alternating between eating dry cheerios and mint chocolate chip ice cream with a fork. Please love me because no one else will
You're lucky you got out when you did, about an hour later the girl in the Franzia box started wrestling everyone.
On a scale of zero to "unmitigated disaster," how drunk is he?
In related news... Actually, nope. I don't have any orgy-related news. You win.
Dude you better come get your girl, she's sitting here eating a tub of pasta salad muttering to herself about gypsies.
I think sunday funday got a little out of control. There is cheese slices and BBQ sauce all over the roof and 4 empty bottles of vodka in my room.
You shouted “im bobby labonte!” In the process of shoutgunning a beer. He said you were too redneck for him...
Randomize
