Had her hockey skates on in the house. Whole floor is ruined.
You just kept yelling at the cabby "I own this cab" and insisted on smoking with all the windows up
He walked into my room in the middle of the night, whispered something about the patriot act, and took my tv.
posting about faith hill is really not helping you get me into your bed
I'm about to start putting my tampons in the microwave for a few seconds these plastics applicators and this weather don't mix
So you're on like a list there now..."Do not under any circumstances give this person a knife. Serve them in plastic cups ONLY"
Friends don't let friends put redi whip in their wine
He's drunk and I'm pain-killer high and we're about to watch fireworks at disney world. It's gonna be fucking magical
I was so high I started singing Let It Go and then instantly started laughing 'cause I was eating ice. Everyone just stared.
There's so much mac and cheese stuck to my foot right now
In her defense, she didn't know I had a twin brother. Plus, we're even: I banged her sister.
I lost Mario kart three times but I got laid so it wasn't the WORST night I've ever had.
WHY didn't you stop me from ordering $900 worth of socks last night when I was very obviously judgement impaired at the time?!?!
I knew I was in for a long night after I filled the empty pinata carcass with beer, bit off the top of one of it's legs and used it as a beer bong.
What happened last night? I just woke up and there's like 15 mcflurry cups on the floor
You don't remember stealing them?
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