I assume you are not resopnding because you are having sex thus i give you a text message high five
tequila makes her clothes fall off
wow Mom, sounds like youre having a good time
My phone now changes "me" to "mrrrrrrrrh", thank you new years.
I bruised my spine.. Jungle gyms were clearly not meant for sex.
We learned a lot about one another. I showed him around the town I grew up in and he informed me that he has had a threesome and killed a cat
So this guy is eyeing me from across the bar. Either the girl I hit on next to him is his girlfriend or he's her gay best friend. I should show him my Penis and find out.
Dude. Do it.
Definitely her date. But she saw it too. So now he used to be her date. Why can't this stuff Happen when I'm sober?
we have to top last new years. except im not ready for jail. that can wait a couple years
I never thought that it would get to the point where I would have to specify that by "hang out" I meant "fuck like rabbits." Growing up shouldn't be this way.
Dude, it could be so much worse. That Dale kid lost a toe I think.
Im just using you for your dick and your superb survival skills if needed.
I'm sitting on the toilet eating a Chick-Fil-A breakfast sandwich. How's your Monday?
Well, I'm hung over and my penis hurts - two signs of success
Man, you got so high you own goaled yourself in FIFA then got up celebrating.
I just opened my travel toothbrush holder and it smelled like vodka...maybe a vodka cranberry. This says a lot about my vacations.
Um..... I have taste. The only thing I am going to bedazzle is my vagina.
Randomize