Just saw a midget shotgun a coors light
Please don't tell anyone I peed on your wall.
SOME GIRL GOT MAGGOTS IN HER COOCH FROM EXPERIMENTING WITH MAYO!
i just found five singles in my underwear?! im suspicious but delighted none the less
i took an adderall last night to write a paper. i ended up watching 7 hours of roseanne and couldn't look away
well, i woke up this morning to a note i left myself my dry erase board, "dear you: i had sex with someone awful."
Just an FYI: The offer for you to come snow blow my driveway in return for sexual favors is still on the table
A guy with the name Pootie Tang winked st me and a guy that doesn't speak English messaged me. These are my choices?
Dude, I brought the fucking tequila to that party and they cheered for the chick that seriously only brought limes.
Literally sitting on my bed in the dark trying not to throw up
I was apparently the best non-Irish person at the party. I wore my skating dress, Austrian flag and a giant shamrock. Everyone is calling me "30 Shots Girl".
I sense naked hashbrown eating in my near future.
I'm drunk and he's still weird.
Feels weird riding an elevator with my tongue in my own mouth.
The brides mom put a 6 year old in charge of me to make sure I don’t get too drunk before the wedding
Randomize
