I'm going to jail i love you
Dear everyone that texted me last night wondering where i was. i ended up face down blacked up drunk before i made it to the party. My bad
i'm at a stripclub and this bitch just lit her nipples on fire!
just walked by a lingerie store, the sign out front, "Specials for Father's Day", in no way is that just not wrong.
you think the cum will come out of moms black shirt?
whoever threw up in my shampooo bottle is totally getting defriended on facebook.
i tried to stop you. you just kept saying your split ends needed punishment.
he sounded really stupid. it was like his puke had a stutter, too.
Walked by a shop giving away free donuts this morning. Best walk of shame ever
i just added no after every hockey player in my phone..
How do I tell her I need the lights out when I'm getting head because she and my mom share a perm color
I mean, two foreign guys have drunkenly confessed their love for her, so she's clearly doing something right.
So... Really random... You know we only exist cause Dad misspelled 'perseverance', right?
Had weird bad dreams about you last night. Please tell me you didn't google my real surname and that you don't go to a needle exchange.
So I told him "To answer your question yes I am naked making pizza pops in your kitchen"
5 seconds ago I had no idea that a fart could travel so fastly thru the tanning bed. I taste it in the back of my neck.
Randomize
