This just in: I met a girl who does the phone sex phone lines, and shes' 5'4" 320. I'll never get a hardon again through a phone.
he asked me if i wanted "a hit" off his inhaler. its definitely time for a new roommate
I mean, there was frosting being put on a tunafish sandwich. Pretty sure she knew we were high.
Jeff just maced a waitress...it's way too early for this.
i feel like the 7 eleven by your house knows our deepest, darkest secrets
Trick or treaters just rang our doorbell
Give them the moldy beer cans, we need to get rid of those
Why yes actually, getting stoned and reading an AARP magazine IS totally where I wanted my night to end!
Don't worry, your car is safe with me. I am throwing watermelons out of it at mailboxes and hipster kids.
I feel like I should throw some tampons around my workspace so everyone will know what's really going on
I can't put those talents on a resume
you said I shouldn't try to fill the void in my meaningless life with dicks but i am trying and it totally works
I just came so hard I growled. Definitely found my gspot.
I'm going through what feels like a break up with beer. I'm emotionally distraught from it's lack of presence.
He found his first fuckbuddy I'm so proud I feel like making him a card or something
THERE IS A MAN IN THE BATHROOM IN COLONIAL GARB GET HERE
Randomize
