low key just jizzed in a chinese food container
She came to college a virgin and left on court order. We ruined her.
I filled two of the glass ornaments in my mom's bathroom last night with vodka. That way no one sees me drinking on Christmas. Alcoholic or genius? All I know it makes bathroom trips frequent and enjoyable.
You're right. Single life welcomed me back with open arms. It's like it knew it wasnt going to be long when I left.
can we get vodka so I have an excuse for being an emotional wreck
At one point during xmas dinner my whole family was double fisting. It was like thats how I learned to drink moment
He kept singing Happy Birthday to himself, yelling at the bouncers for not letting him in, and telling them his "father will hear of this." He was like a drunken Scottish Draco Malfoy.
I don't think he cares about your inhospitable uterus.
New fuck buddy and long time fuck buddy are carpooling home for thanksgiving. #10hrconvoaboutmyblowjobskills
Sure go ahead and start this 'business' with him...just don't come crying to me when you have to fake your own death in two years
The only people who will bring me pizza or tacos want a commitment and I'm hungry for food not their love.
Our relationship is perfect
90% threatening to punch him in the dick 10% actual dickpunching
You -do- realize there are other things to talk about than just how different parts of you smell like pussy, right?
Hiding in a kitchen with no pants orange juice abs a pillow...please joun
I haye tequella
The squirrels were at the front door. Dude I swear..
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